Just a Phone Call Away
by shutupandfuck
Summary: She's always been there whenever Santana calls. But how can she save her when she's a thousand miles away? Rated M for later chapters. There will be some violence in this one, as well as language and smut. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. Don't Like, Don't read.
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing.**

When high school was over for Santana and I, we never made those stupid promises everyone else makes. We never said we'd keep in touch or call each other once a week or any of that stupid shit. If we talked, we talked. If we never spoke again, that would be that. Once high school was over we were both so ready to move on to different things and leave Lima behind us, that losing a friend was fine if it meant getting out of that shithole we called home.

It's been two years since graduation, and I can count on one hand how many times we've spoken since graduation. I only saw her once in passing when we were both visiting home from college and we'd both ended up at Walmart at the same time.

Here's what I know. She and Brittany never got back together, and she doesn't like to talk about it. She found a new boyfriend who she met through a family friend, and she dropped out of college to do the office work at a recycling plant he'd kinda stumbled into ownership over after his uncle passed and no one else wanted it. She says she's not interested in girls anymore (ha ha) and is happy with this new guy. His name is Antonio, and he's from El Salvador. At least this is what she said the last time I spoke to her. But that was almost 4 months ago, and things with Santana change fast.

I came back to Lima for a few weeks before my junior year so I could spend time with my mother and her newest boyfriend. This guy was only two years older than me, and everyone could tell he was only into her for the money, but I didn't even try telling her this. Honestly I didn't really care, because as long as she was preoccupied with him she didn't have the time to bother me about not coming home, or finding myself a "good man" to spend my life with.

I hated Lima. And the longer I was away the more I dreaded coming back. I was going to this liberal arts college in California, studying journalism. It was great and I enjoyed my classes and teachers and school in general.

Being in college changed me a lot. I spent my whole freshman year dating guys and trying to find a "good man," but ultimately finding myself in the same place I'd been in all throughout high school. Uncomfortable, unsatisfied, and jammed up against the wall of the world's biggest walk in closet.

I never really dated girls, but after a particularly terrible drunken one night stand, (I ended up crying afterward and screaming about how disgusting dicks looked,) I decided to hook up with a girl. It started out with my very hot roommate, (who'd been dropping hints for the entire first month of my sophomore year.) After that it was the girl from the coffee stand on campus, followed by some girl I met at a party and never learned her name.

After that things get kind of hazy. There were a lot of girls this year, and even though I'm not exactly proud of it, I'm not ashamed either. I didn't know how much I liked sex until I started fucking girls. For a while I thought it was because I was such a prude, my mind screwy from all those days spent in Sunday school with a cross chained around my neck. But it turns out I'm just a lesbian.

I was sitting on the couch in the living room, flipping through channels with my feet up on the coffee table when my phone started buzzing insistently from somewhere between the couch cushions. I was surprised to see San's number light up the screen.

"Hey Slut." I answered.

"Sup Hoe. Heard you're back in bumfuck nowhere." I could hear the buzz of machinery in the background.

"Yup. I'm here for two more weeks. Where you at? I saw your old house is on sale."

"Martiansburg, right off the highway. Mom decided she was tired of Lima, but I've been out the house for a couple months."

"You living with Tony the Tiger?"

She laughed, and it made me smile. She sounded just the same as she always had, even though I knew things were different.

"Yeah I am. Hey look Quinn, I'm getting off in about an hour, do you mind if I come over? I have something I have to talk to you about."

"Well that sounds awfully sketchy. What is it?"

"You'll find out in an hour. See you."

Before I could even open my mouth to say something else, I heard the phone click and she was gone.

* * *

Santana didn't even bother knocking. She just walked into the house like it was her own and plopped down on the couch next to me.

"I'm pregnant" was the first thing she said.

"You could say hi..." I mumbled quietly.

"Hi, I'm pregnant." she reached back to pull her hair into a messy ponytail. It was longer then I remembered, and her skin was pale despite it nearing the end of summer. Her face looked thinner, like she was losing weight rather than gaining, but I couldn't see her tummy through the baggy t-shirt she had on.

"How far along?" I asked.

"About a month and a half."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. So she just kept talking. "I haven't told anyone yet. I wasn't even going to tell you. Antonio doesn't even know."

I wrinkled my eyebrows. "Why haven't you told anyone?"

"Well besides the fact that no talks to me anymore besides Antonio and HIS friends, I'm not keeping it."

"What! Why?" What the fuck was going on.

"Tony isn't ready to be a Dad. We fight all the time and our relationship has pretty much gone for shit lately. I don't want to leave him... He's all I have right now. But I don't want to bring a baby into this either."

I put my finger to my temples, trying to rub away the headache forming near the front of my forehead. "So you're just going to roll up in here and spring this shit on me?"

"Yup. Because you seem to have your shit together. Better than I do. What should I do?" The calmness in her voice was completely nerve wracking. Like we were talking about the weather or how to fix a blender rather than her taking a life.

"Well first of all, you have me. You know I would kill a man for you. Just because we haven't talked in, like, months, doesn't mean anything's changed."

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. I reached over, hesitantly putting a hand on her knee. Her hand slid into mine without a second thought, rubbing little circles over mine with her thumb.

"And second... What are you fighting over that would make an abortion okay? I mean damn San, I feel guilty every day for giving up my daughter, and she's still alive..."

She looked away from me. "It's just stupid stuff."

"Bullshit." I said quickly. "You know it's more than that."

She let her breath out in a huff. "It's not like we can't afford this baby or anything. We can. We have plenty of money coming in from the plant. We have this beautiful little house in Martainsburg. We have parties every weekend... Everything in my life is wonderful right now, except for him..."

I narrowed my eyes. There was more to it than that, and we both knew it. "Relationship problems come and go San. This is a life we're talking about."

"Whatever." She said quietly, slipping her hand from mine. I sighed, leaning over to pick up the remote from the floor. If she didn't want to listen, I wasn't going to talk. I flipped to some shitty lifetime movie and threw my legs up to rest in her lap.

"I'm spending the night okay? I don't feel like dealing with Antonio tonight."

I wanted to ask why, but I didn't bother. She'd talk when she was ready.

"Plus," she added after a quiet moment, "I missed you. Been sitting around in bumfuck nowhere with no one but my boyfriend."

I smirked to myself when she said that. "I missed you too."

* * *

After a very awkward dinner with my mother and her boyfriend, (during which Santana commented under her breath several times that my mother was "too menopausal for this shit" and "robbing the cradle,") Santana and I went upstairs to recap what I missed since moving from Lima.

Apparently Puck and Finn found jobs in the area that paid well enough that they didn't ever have to leave. Rachel was at some weird performing arts school in New York, and Brittany also dropped out of college and was working at a daycare in Michigan, for whatever insane reason.

Eventually the conversation turned to me and what I'd been doing in California. "So how many hook-ups have you had so far?" she asked, so suddenly I almost dropped the nail polish brush from where I was painting my toes.

"None." I said all too quickly, replacing the cap and tossing in across the room.

"Liar. I bet you've had dozens. All the freaks come out in Cali."

I laughed, throwing myself into the bed. "I lost count okay? I know I only hooked up with two guys."

I didn't realize what I'd said until Santana abruptly dropped her phone out of her hand. "Wait wait wait, rewind. You've been fucking girls?"

All the blood rushed to my cheeks. "It's no big deal..."

"I knew it!" She was saying loudly.

"Shhhh, shut up my mom's still awake." I groaned. Santana laughed and turned away to shut off the lights before crawling in bed next to me.

"I knew you were gay! I knew it! I mean damn, if you fucked Puck and didn't like it you must be a lesbian." I buried my face in the pillow when I felt her wrap an arm around my waist.

"Congrats." I grumbled into my pillow. "You're gaydars up to date."

"Ha ha. So have you ever had some one sit on your face?"

"I'm not having this conversation." I said, rolling over to snuggle into the crook of her neck. She giggled and pulled me closer. "Did you tell Tony you were spending the night?"

"Yeah." Her voice sounded far away. "He didn't like it, but I'll deal with him in the morning. Right now I just want to be with you."

I smiled. The room got quiet, and I listened as her breathing steadied. Out of no where I said "Once. And I was drunk."

"Did you like it?" she asked without opening her eyes.

"Fuck yeah. Except I almost drowned..."

Santana proceeded to laugh so hard she snorted.

* * *

It wasn't until the second week of school that I talked to Santana again. I had been in bed with some red haired chick I'd met at a bar across town when my phone rang.

Normally I would have ignored it, but for whatever reason I decided to answer it and I'm glad I did.

"Hello?" I was sort of wheezing trying to catch my breath.

"Uh Quinn?"

"Hold on..." I looked around the floor for my wrinkled shirt.

"Quinn Fabray are you fucking a girl?"

I heard a muffled "what the fuck?" as the door slammed behind me.

"I was about to." I answered her, stomping down the stairs and trying to remember where my car was. I had no idea how to get home from where ever the fuck this girl lived.

"Sorry for interrupting."

"You can make it up to me later. What's up?" My keys were mysteriously missing from my back pocket, and I worried for a second I would have to go back.

"I just wanted to let you know that I decided to keep him. Her. Whatever."

I stopped moving. "What?"

"Did you not hear me?"

"No I did." I said, finally finding them. I made my way out to the parking lot, and was all the way in the car before saying "Well I'm happy for you. What made you change your mind?"

"You." She said simply. She sounded far away, like her mind was somewhere else. "I told Tony today."

"Is he happy?"

She was quiet for a second, before saying "Not really... I'm really nervous Q."

"I understand, but you're gonna be a great Mom babe." I started digging around my car for my GPS.

"That's not what I'm nervous about." Out of nowhere there was a huge crashing noise in the background. "I have to go. Tony's home."

"Wait San, what the fuck..."

"Sorry Quinn... I gotta go." Then there was yelling. Like loud drunken yelling, with words I couldn't make out.

"Santana don't you dare fucking hang up..."

She was silent for a moment, and I thought maybe she was going to listen. But the she said "I love you, okay?" and the line went dead.

I called her back a dozen times, but her phone was off. I didn't know what else to do, so I drove home and lay in bed for hours, but never slept. I just replayed the conversation in my head over and over again.

For a while after that phone call I tried calling Santana every day for weeks. But her phone was always off, or went to voicemail after a couple of rings.

I didn't know what else to do, so I just tried to go on about my life as if nothing happened, which was nearly impossible. I barely slept for weeks, and when I thought I was over the strange events I started having nightmares about it. Santana wouldn't even talk to me, and I knew I was probably being paranoid… but hell, the whole thing was weird as fuck.

It was mid-November the next time I got a call from Santana. I was in class, in the middle of a lecture, but when I realized who was calling I walked out without a second thought.

"Santana!" I yelled into the phone.

"It's a girl!" She yelled back. "It's a girl and her name is Elieana Maria Remirez."

"Oh wow San! Wow, that's a beautiful name."

"I know! I'm sending you a picture of the sonogram right now. I'm so excited Q, and Tony is too. I think things are finally looking up for us. Like maybe he's finally ready to be a Dad."

"I'm so happy for you babe. Are you happy?"

"Yes. I'm really really happy. When's the next time you're in town? I want you to be around for my baby shower."

I started walking back to my dorm, no longer concerned with class or school or anything but Santana.

"I was going to stay here for Thanksgiving... I didn't take off work or anything."

"Quinn you work on campus, that's no excuse. Just come home please? You can stay with me, if you want."

"What about Antonio?"

"Antonio's gone 'till December. He had some stuff to take care of, and he's visiting his Mom, where ever the hell she is."

That sounded suspicious as fuck, but I didn't question it. After not talking to her for a month, spending a week with Santana sounded glorious.

"Okay, I'll be there. I'll start planning your baby shower now."

"You don't have to do that Quinn..."

"Sure I do. I miss you and you haven't answered my phone calls in weeks and I want to do something nice for you and Elieana."

"I'm sorry about that..." She said quietly. "Tony doesn't really like it when I'm on the phone a lot..."

Everything in my heart wanted to say something about it. Wanted to ask more about this mysterious guy who kept fucking with my best friends' heart... But I didn't. If she wanted to talk we would. So we just talked, spending the next four hours catching up and giggling and just being us.

I almost forgot then, how screwed up things were. Almost.

**Please excuse any mistakes, seeing as I wrote this entire thing on my phone. This story is going to be kind of different from my last one. There will be longer and fewer chapters, and less smut. But have no fear, I'm already working on a dirty, sexy one-shot that will be posted sometime this week or next, so keep your dick in your pants. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it! Reviews are like candy for my heart, and leaving them makes me smile for days!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Still own nothing.**

It took some convincing, but after a while Santana let me invite pretty much everyone from the "old" glee club to her impromptu baby shower. Everyone was happy to come, even Rachel and Kurt, who'd not always been on the best terms with her. I guess age really does change people.

The whole week went great and everything was moving way too quickly. Santana was happy and smiling, snapping at people in a way that was exactly like her old self. Her face was glowing and her tummy had ballooned to the size of a basketball.

She rarely mentioned Tony. It was like he didn't even exist anymore. I only tried to bring it up one time, and she'd been so quick to brush it off I didn't try to bring it up again. It made me feel weird and worried that she didn't want to talk about it, but I didn't know what else to do. Santana was such a strong person... I wanted to think she could handle it all on her own, but I was starting to worry I was just fooling myself.

Santana came over for Thanksgiving, which I highly appreciated. She said she would have just been sitting at home anyway, since her parents had pretty much disowned her after she moved in with "that trouble maker Tony." From what I know, he had spent a couple years in juvie for beating up some kid in high school, who ended up in a coma for a couple weeks after.

San swears back and forth he's a changed person, but I have this funny feeling he's not.

On black Friday I discovered that pregnant Santana is just as shopping crazed and violent as the not-pregnant one. With one hand on her belly and the other on a shopping cart we scoured the baby isles, picking up a stroller for 15 dollars and a new crib for 30. She shoved people out of the way for newborn outfits and snatched away baby shoes from other moms without a blink of the eye.

I stood back and watched the whole time, standing in awe of my best friend, along with all the other customers who were afraid to stand in her way.

When we got back to her place we laid everything out on the living room floor, sorting through sizes and colors, winter and summer clothes covering her floor.

"I guess were going to have to convert the guest room into a nursery." She was mumbling as she searched for someplace to store her diapers.

"Aw, so where will I sleep?" I joked.

"With me, like you have been all week."

I don't know why, but my cheeks burned when she said that. It was true; we'd slept in the same bed every night, just as we had when we were in high school. The first night or two it was because we'd been talking or watching movies, but even after that I didn't want to sleep in the guest room. I missed San too much.

"It's gonna be way easier when there's not a watermelon in bed with us." I mumbled, making her laugh. I started re-bagging the clothes in the order Santana had put them in

After a few minutes she wandered back into the room, dropping down on the couch and pulling a blanket to snuggle under. "Antonio probably wouldn't like it..."

I turned to look at her from my place on the floor. "Like what?"

"You visiting. He won't want you coming to see the baby either." She put a hand over her belly.

"Oh..." My heart sank at the thought. I wanted to be mad and ask questions and demand answers, but I knew that would only make her want to talk less.

"But you'll see her. I know you will. He goes out of town a lot, so you can always visit then." She was talking to the air. Like I wasn't even there, and she was having a conversation with the air.

"I want you to be here for her. To be here for me... I can't do it alone..." I could see the tears in her eyes as she fought herself not to cry. I crawled over to the couch, kneeling beside her and running my fingers through her dark hair.

"It's okay. You won't be alone. You'll have Tony." She shook her head, closing her eyes tight as stray tears slipped down her face.

"I'll be there. I'll always be there. All you have to do is call. You know that." I leaned in to place a little kiss on her cheek.

All I meant was to comfort her. I just wanted her to stop crying, and to show her that someone still loved her, even if it wasn't her stupid shitty boyfriend. But in the millisecond before my lips touched her cheek she turned her head, meeting my mouth with her own.

It was too calculated to be an accident. Far too intentional, and as my mouth froze in surprise she moved a hand to the back of my head to hold me in place. Her lips moved against mine, desperate and needy, pleading for me to respond. So I did.

It was strange, because as gay as I am and as much time as I've spent with my best friend, I never thought of her in this way. I've never wanted to kiss her or hold her in any way other than the way you would a friend... but she sobbed against my lips and her fingers gripped my shoulders hard, I realized that this was exactly what I wanted.

And it was so wrong. Santana was pregnant and she had a boyfriend. She had a house and a job and family... yet she was so unhappy. It was like I could feel everything in the kiss. She was lonely and scared. But why? And of what?

She wasn't going to tell me, and I knew better than to ask.

She pulled away all too quickly, turning away to lay flat on her back. Her eyes were red and puffy and her face looked pale.

We didn't say anything about the kiss. Not then, not for the rest of the weekend. Never again. It was like it never happened.

* * *

I learned never to call Santana first. Chances were if she wasn't on the phone with me, he was around. It's funny because we would go weeks without talking, but then sometimes we would talk every day. Then other times she would call once or twice, on lunch break or in the middle of the night.

Those were the calls that scared me most. Sometimes she would be crying, giving me the excuse of pregnancy hormones or that she was having a bad day. Other times she would just be really quiet, saying she missed me and asking when I would be coming home next.

Her boyfriend rarely came up, even though we both knew he was the source of all her problems. When she did talk about him, she would usually say he was away on some work funded trip, or visiting his Mom. She said he was being good to her, though I doubted that with the amount of crying she was doing. He had promised he'd try to stay home more once the baby came, but it was a lie.

Antonio was hurting Santana, I could tell. I just didn't know how or why.

* * *

Santana went out of town the same time I came in. She was visiting Tony's parents for Christmas, and I was stuck sitting around my mother's over decorated tree, opening gifts I didn't want and pretending to like things I'd never use.

On New Years' Eve I was up in my old room, staring out the window and slowly willing myself to fall asleep. I just wanted to go back to California. Well actually, I wanted to go see San, but that wasn't really possible.

I didn't hear the bell ring, so when I heard the door creak open it scared the shit out of me. I jumped up, still half asleep, and had to catch myself to keep from falling over. Then the lights flickered on and I saw a pale, tired looking Santana standing there with a shopping bag and a pair of sunglasses on. "Are you sleeping? On New Years'? It's not even nine o'clock yet, what's wrong with you Gramma?"

"SANTANA!" I skipped over and threw my arms around her neck. "I missed you! I missed you so much!"

"Careful!" She put a hand between me and her swollen belly, but used the other to wrap around my waist. "I missed you too."

"Wait what happened? How are you here?" I was saying directly into her ear. I missed her too much to move away, so I just kept hugging her.

"Tony wanted to go to this party, but I'm clearly in no shape for that. He dropped me off at home and I took the other car to come see you." She slowly inched her way out of my arms and turned to look me in the eye. "You're fucking adorable, you know that?"

"Thanks..." I answered, but I was suddenly distracted. Through her glasses I could see her eye was puffy and dark looking. "What happened?" I asked, pulling her glasses off her face before she could say anything.

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Her eye was almost swollen shut, and the underside was such a dark blue it was almost black.

"He did it." I said, not sounding the least bit worried nor shocked. I knew something was going on, but she wouldn't tell me what. I never dreamed it would be this bad though, yet somehow I wasn't the least bit surprised.

San just shook her head, staring at the floor.

"Don't lie Santana I know it was him. That bastard..." I walked out of the room to go in the kitchen and grab one of the ice packs in the fridge. They were from when I was in high school and cheerleading practice would kick my ass, but Mom kept a lot of stuff around 'just in case.'

When I got back to the room Santana was sitting on the bed, looking almost like a child in trouble. I handed her the ice pack and pulled her down to lay next to me on the bed.

She cried a lot. I didn't say anything, and I hate myself for it. I just held her as she fell asleep in my arms, watching the clock slowly tick past midnight. As one year faded into the next I felt my heart sink. Nothing would change this year. Santana would still be with Tony, he'd still be hurting her, and I'd still be all the way across the country with no way to help her.

The only difference would be poor Elieana, sitting in this middle of all this mess. My heart hurt for her, and I wish I'd known what to do. Or had the courage to do it.

**I sincerely apologize that this update took so long. I've been working an awful lot, and even though this chapter has been written for about a month now, I just finally got around to editing it. I also have a one-shot in the works, but its very long and it's going to take a while to edit too, so don't get your hopes up for anything anytime soon. Although, I'm already working on the next chapter of this so cross you fingers and maybe it will end up on here in the next couple days!? Who knows, I'm psychotic and a little flighty so it might take a while. I LOVE YOU FUCKERS! KEEP REVIEWING, IT MAKES MY SOUL SMILE!**


	3. Chapter 3

**NOTHING I TELL YOU! NOTHING IS MINE!**

When I woke up the next morning I felt hung over. My head and stomach hurt and my eyes were stingy from tears I only allowed myself to cry in my sleep.

I could hear the water in the bathroom running, and I forgot momentarily about the night before. Then all the memories came flooding back like a weight on my chest.

I had to hold my breath to keep from crying when Santana came out of the bathroom. Her eye still looked bruised, but the swelling had gone down enough that she could open it all the way.

"You look constipated." She grumbled sleepily as she flopped down on the bed next to me. I didn't say anything. I couldn't, or I would start sobbing, and I was supposed to be the strong one right now.

Obviously things are way, way fucked up when it comes down to Quinn Fabray, Queen of Fuck-Ups and Meltdowns being in charge of keeping things under control. The only thing worse would be having Rachel Berry in charge.

Santana sighed loudly and looked me over a few times before finally saying something that wasn't insulting. "So I guess you want to know what happened."

I nodded, keeping my eyes on the floor. I couldn't look at her.

"And I guess you wouldn't believe me if I said I walked into a door."

I shook my head. I wondered, for a moment, how far a person could get in life using only those two gestures. I guess if you included shrugging your shoulders, a person might not ever have to speak again.

Santana was quiet for a moment, and I honestly thought she was going to come up with another bullshit excuse to keep me quiet. But she didn't.

"First off, I need you to look at me. Okay? Really look at me. I know you're scared and afraid and worried… but you can't be feeling nearly as bad as I do."

I lifted my head. There were tears in her eyes again. Her face looked tired and sad and her forehead was wrinkled in that way it always is whenever she's thinking really hard about something. I reached my hand up to smooth away the wrinkles, just like I did when we were kids. That made her smile, and for the first time in weeks I felt like I'd finally accomplished something.

"Okay. I'm telling you, honestly, this doesn't happen a lot. Not really. And not this bad." She said, pointing at her eye. "We fight a lot, but not like this. He never hits me, especially not on my face. But we were arguing, and he was drunk off his ass. He was in my face yelling about some stupid shit, I don't even know what… and I pushed him. Really hard. He fell back and knocked his grandmothers ashes off the mantle, which was pretty hilarious... And don't even get me started on the ashes thing, like hellooo, we're CATHOLIC, why the hell are there ashes just chillin' on your mantle. But whatever, that's not the point…"

I put my hand on Santana's arm because she was rambling, which meant she was nervous and she was never going to get to the actual topic we were discussing. She sighed loudly and took a couple deep breaths before finishing. "Okay but yeah. He got mad and punched me in the eye. He started apologizing a lot right after that, but I was really fucking mad. I went to his moms' room and locked the door and watched some soap opera for like three hours straight until he sobered up. He dropped me off at home and I came straight here… End of story."

I didn't really know what to say. I didn't want to talk about this and neither did Santana. My mind went back to all those late night phone calls that kept me from falling asleep at night. I thought of all those times she called me in the middle of the day crying, asking when I would come home. And then I thought about that kiss.

That wonderful, beautiful, yet somehow tragic and broken kiss. Could that really have been only a couple months ago? Because it felt like it had been years since I sat with that broken girl on the couch. And yet here she was again, somehow even more broken then before.

My eyes fell to where my hand sat on her arm. I looked over her frame, and then back to her eyes. She was beautiful. Pregnant, bruised, tired, and beautiful in a way only Santana could manage.

And then it happened again. My lips were on hers, more gentle then our last kiss had been. The hand that rested on her arm moved to rest on her cheek, and the tears I only allowed myself to cry in my sleep made their way down my face for the first time in real life. But it felt like a dream.

I tried so hard to make her understand what this kiss meant. I tried to show her what I couldn't say out loud. That I could take care of her. That I could be everything she needed me to be. That I could love her and care for her way more the stupid fucking Antonio ever could. And for a moment, just one singular point in time, everything felt right and perfect.

But then we stopped kissing. And she looked at me with those sad eyes that told me everything I needed to know. She wasn't going to leave Tony. Things weren't going to change. And I was just going to have to live with that.

"I got you something." She said nonchalantly, as if we hadn't just been making out in my bed. She stood and wobbly made her way over to where she'd dropped her shopping bags from last night. "I forgot which bag it was in, so I just brought all of them. I didn't really account for the fact that that meant I would still have to look through them all to figure out… oh here it is!"

"Santana, I thought we didn't do Christmas gifts."

"I know, but look I saw it and I had to get it. I could help myself, you know how I am."

I tried to look disapproving, but I was grinning anyway. I know we should have been talking about what happened yesterday, or what just happened. Or, really, what's been happening the past five months, since Santana got pregnant. But none of those things were going happen without a fight, and I was too tired to fight with a pregnant Santana today.

She handed me an unwrapped, unmarked little square box with a red bow on top. I briefly wondered if there was an engagement ring in it, but quickly suppressed the thought because the box was way too big for that and it didn't really make sense anyway. But then again, neither did anything else that happened in the past 12 hours.

Inside was a gorgeous silver bracelet, with two charms on it. One was a heart, with a tiny silver heart very delicately attached to it. The other said "Mom."

"Uh San... as beautiful as this is, I'm not the one becoming a mother here… although technically I guess I've been a Mom for about four years now…"

"No, no, it's not like that. Look, I got Elieana one that matches it, except without that Mom charm." She was digging through her bags again to show me the much smaller version of my bracelet. "You know Hispanic women are always putting jewelry on their poor little big headed babies. Anyway, I was wondering if you would be her Godmother? Like would that be cool with you?"

I don't know why I started crying again when she said that, but I did. And I couldn't stop, and it was almost concerning because San started crying too. We were hysterical, and then we started laughing and we really looked crazy. But I said yes anyway, and I was more excited in that moment then I had been since I found out Santana was keeping the baby.

And for that moment, even with the tears and the black eye and the hung over feeling in my head, it felt like maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay.

* * *

I seriously dreaded going back to school. I didn't want to leave Santana by herself, but I didn't really have a choice. Even if I stayed in Lima, Tony wasn't going to let her spend all her free time with me. And I had to get back to school, because the second semester was starting soon and I barely got out alive from the first one.

I didn't get any calls from Santana through January or February, although I did get a card on Valentine's Day, with a picture of a teddy bear holding a box of chocolates. On the inside there was a handwritten note the said "Happy Valentine's Day Sugar Tits! Love, the Baddest Bitch in Ohio, aka. Santana, aka. Love-Monkey."

It made me laugh really hard, and in the envelope she included a picture of Elieana's latest sonogram. She was getting big really fast, and if I remembered correctly, she was due in May, but the doctors thought she may come early with the amount of stress Santana puts herself under, and the fact that she was HUGE.

Santana called me one day in the middle of March while I was working in the library on campus. I gave the librarian some bullshit excuse about my dying Great Aunt Mary, who I'm pretty sure I've told her was dead several times. I honestly wonder sometimes how I haven't been fired yet, and I know it must be because no one else wants to work in a stuffy old library for close to nothing when you could be working at a surf shop on the beach or something. This was Cali, after all.

"Sup Love Monkey?" I answered, recalling the card from Valentine's Day.

San burst into laughter immediately, which made me smile really hard. "Oh my god, you almost made me pee my pants!" She yelled into the phone.

"Sorry!" I looked around to see if anyone could hear the noises coming from my phone.

"It's fine, Sugar Tits, I just wasn't expecting that. Dear God, that was funny."

My chest felt really light. I was so happy to hear her voice that if I'd been struck by lightning right then, I don't think I would even flinch. "So what's shakin' bacon? Why you calling me in the middle of a Thursday afternoon? You off work early?"

"Well sort of. I'm off work until August. The doctor put me on bed rest." She sighed.

"Aw, so I guess you're pretty chubby now then?" I was pacing in front of the library now, because I didn't really have anywhere to sit and I couldn't stand still. I looked at my watch and figured my shift was over in ten minutes anyway, and decided to just let myself off early.

"Yeah I guess so. Anyway, Tony's out of town on business or something, who knows, and now I'm stuck at his Mom's house until the baby is born. Sucks ass because his little sister is like, 14 and she's a bitch if I've ever met one."

I giggled a little before asking why, which launched Santana into this long story about how this girl once walked in on them having sex, and ever since then she's had it out for Santana. "The little demon put rat poison in my food once. Lucky for me her Mom saw it before I did. Not that I'd eat anything that _perra estúpida _gave me anyway."

From my limited remembrance of Spanish from Mr. Shues class, I knew that mean 'stupid bitch.'

"Pequeño diablo." I commented, remembering that that meant 'Little Devil.' That made Santana laugh too, and my heart almost hurt with how much I missed that sound. "So what are you going to do? Just stay there?"

"I don't really have another choice." She sighed. "You Mom actually offered to let me stay there, and I wanted to take her up on it so bad, but Tony would be pissed."

Sometimes I want to just shake Santana. And yell at her really loud. But I knew that wouldn't help. My mother had quit working very shortly after her new boyfriend proposed to her with a ring I'm positive he bought with her money. I guess when you have a nice big divorced settlement, and plenty of early retirement to cover your bills, working isn't really a necessity. She said she was going to spend her time "doing the things she always wanted to go." Which I assume means pottery class and month long vacations in Hawaii.

It also means she'd have plenty of time to take care of Santana until Baby Elieana came, instead of her staying in with HIS family and risk poisoning.

I considered saying all these things, but once again I kept quiet. That seemed to be all I did lately. Not say things that needed to be said. Instead with talked about nail polish, our favorite Kardashians, and my apparent "dry spell," and lack of female interaction since I got back to school.

Santana thought it was because I was so busy with work and mid-terms coming up. I wanted to laugh, but I didn't. It wasn't either of those things. There were plenty of hot girls around campus that I could easily talk into a drunken one night stand. I mean, damn, last year I fucked my way through the entire cheerleading squad, and maintained my 4.2 GPA. And believe me when I say the football team was pissed.

It wasn't that at all. It was just the fact that at every party I went to, I found myself looking for specific characteristics in girls that I never really looked for before. Characteristics like being a short, skinny Latina with a fiery temper and a basketball shoved up her shirt.

I think that even if I managed to find one of those, I wouldn't really be happy unless they said their name was Santana and they were from Lima, Ohio. Of course, I didn't tell her that either.

Santana called me every day that month. I knew that meant Tony was out of town, but I couldn't figure out what the hell he was doing that was taking so long. San said it was "Business," but it was starting to sound like she didn't believe it either.

I knew she had to be bored out of her skull. I actually had to buy a headset, because I seriously couldn't talk her into waiting until I was out of class or off of work to call me. Not that I tried very hard. She was extremely persistent, and if I didn't answer she would just keep calling and calling until I did, or she managed to kill my phone battery.

Also, I had to purchase two new phone batteries.

Santana would call me the second she woke up, grumbling about how Tony's family never bought American food and she was "so fucking sick of eating pupusas." This was usually followed by her watching Regis and Kelly for an hour, followed by Tyra, Followed by Ellen, and eventually she would get tired and take a nap.

Lucky for me, San's naptime was usually right around my first class of the day, and if I was lucky she wouldn't call again until I was on my way to work. However, if she wasn't sleepy or she woke up early I would have to listen to her whine endlessly in my ear, while also trying to take notes and listen to the lecture. Normally it didn't work out well, and I had to steal someone else's notes after class.

Santana didn't really care if I wasn't responding to her while we were on the phone. I think she's just lonely, and somehow talking to someone, even if they're completely unresponsive, helps with that.

Things went on like this until April, about 5 weeks before San's due date. One day she just didn't call, and that's how I knew he was back. She didn't call me at all that week, or the next. It hurt me, it really did. I started considering dropping all my classes and moving back to Ohio to be with her.

It never happened though. Santana didn't call, and I didn't go. I just stayed in California, watching my A's turn to C's as my nights became sleepless again and my heart became heavy. I kept my phone with me at all times, but it didn't ring.

**Okay, I'd like to clarify a few things.**

**1. If you don't like my story, don't read it. **

**2. Everyone has a different style of writing, as well as different perceptions of people, places, and events. The way I write about GLEE characters is the way I see it. Some things may seem out of character to you, and thats fine because that's how its supposed to be. Isn't that what Fan Fiction is about? Taking something and making it your own.**

**3. I'm not getting paid to do this, so forgive me if I have a few mistakes. Believe me, when I see them I correct them. But chances are if I just spent 4 hours on the computer writing something, I probably didn't feel like editing it before I posted it. BUT I WILL. Just give me a chance.**

**4. I didn't really think about the time difference between Ohio and California until after I wrote this, so that probably all kinds of fucked up. As well as many other things, so if I messed something up (time related,) just pretend its right because I'm a lazy fuck and I'm not going to fix it.**

**Other then that, thanks everyone for reading, reviewing, favoriting and following this story! I'm really enjoying writing it, AND YOU LUCKY BASTARDS SHOULD BE EXCITED! I POSTED TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY! THAT NEVER HAPPENS! I'm going to try for a third, and I know I probably have all kinds of spelling and punctuation errors but you're just going to have to deal with it for now. I LOVE YOU ALL! *MWAH!***


	4. Chapter 4

**Once again, nothing is mine. My bad son.**

I guess, in a way, Santana not calling me was a good thing. It meant nothing too terrible was happening. Even if Tony was around, he wasn't one to do something awful and just stand around after it happened. That was something I learned very early on. If he does something bad, he gets the fuck out as quickly as possible and doesn't come back until it's over.

So when Santana finally called, I already knew there was something was wrong. It was April 27th, about a week and a half before Elieana was due, and I could hear Santana screaming the second I answered the call.

"San… San what's wrong?" I dropped the book I'd been reading, and it fell to the ground with a thump. I reached over for my roommates phone, dialing the Lima County Police Department, and silently thanking my mother for making me memorize that number at such an early age.

I could only make out a few words that Santana was saying, and I repeated them to the cop as I explained that my very pregnant friend was in need of help immediately. I rattled off her address from the card she'd sent me on Valentine's Day, then hung up and used the same phone to call my mother and tell her to meet Santana at the hospital.

Never once during any of these calls did I hang up on Santana. All I knew was that the was "a lot of blood" and she kept saying "she's dying" over and over again. I could hear the sirens when the ambulance arrived, and the medic took the phone from Santana and explained to me that she appeared to have fallen.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked, gathering up my purse and throwing my shoes on without a second thought.

"We're not sure mam. She appears to be stable, but we can't very well account for what's happened to the baby yet. We'll have to wait and see."

I didn't want to talk to this man. He didn't know anything important. I hung up on him and called a cab. I didn't think about school or work or anything else that would happen if I left. I was only worried about Santana.

* * *

My plane arrived at two in the morning. I'd lucked out and managed to talk myself into a first class flight leaving about 20 minutes after I arrived at the airport. Of course, that took a lot of begging, some crying and some yelling, but the point is I made it.

I took a cab from the airport straight to the hospital, silently praying that my mother wouldn't notice that there was nearly 800$ missing from her savings account, or that I could at least figure out a way to feign innocence and blame it on her barely-legal boyfriend.

I found Santana in less than 5 minutes, and thanked God for the fact that I still remember where everything was from when I was here back in high school. I practically broke down the door to get in the room, irritating the nurse that was sitting at the front desk, and surely waking up at least 6 other new mommies'.

Santana rolled over when she heard the noise. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she was very clearly not-pregnant anymore. My mother was sitting in a chair by the window, half asleep. No one else was there. Not Tony or his mother, or his bitchy little sister.

"What happened?" I asked, rushing over to Santana. She reflexively curled up in my arms and started crying again. She looked so small again, so defenseless, and in the moment if you didn't know her you would think Santana Lopez was the farthest thing in the world from a fiery Latina with a bad attitude and a potty mouth.

"Did she… Is the…" I tried to make the words come out, but they wouldn't. I could feel my eyes starting to water too at the possibilities. "Where's… what about…"

"The baby is fine." My mother said finally. "She's a healthy 8 pound, 7 ounce baby. Fat little thing… if you didn't know it, you'd never be able to tell she's a preemie."

"She could have died…" Santana whispered in my ear.

"She's fine San. Everything's fine. Where is she?" I asked.

"I haven't got to hold her yet. She's in one of those box thingy's. They said she should be okay in a few hours, and we'll be able to go home on schedule…" Santana started crying really hard again. I knew there was something she needed to tell me, but there was no way she'd say it in front of my mother. I gave her a look, and Mom understood right away, excusing herself to go find a vending machine.

"What is it babe?" I asked.

"I knew something was wrong…" She sobbed into my hair. "I knew it, but I didn't want to say anything… make him mad, you know? He was cheating on me. She called the house and started cussing at me…" Santana stopped for a moment to take a big breath. "So I was like 'Tony, what the fuck?' and he got mad, but I didn't care. I said 'Why are your bitches calling me? If you're gonna cheat, at least do it right.' He got really mad then. Pushed me down the stairs and left me there. I called you. You saved me Quinn. Me and Elieana are alive because of you… Tony left me to die Quinn… Just left me there."

Santana didn't say much else after that. She just cried for a really long time. Eventually the doctor came in to check on her, and asked her to lift her gown so he could see how her stomach was healing. I guess it had been really swollen from the fall. "Miss, I think it would be better if you would step out for this part." He said to me.

"NO. Hell no." Santana said, with that insistent fury that made me smile. The doctor looked taken aback by her outburst, seeing as she hadn't said much the whole time she'd been there.

Santana's stomach was gruesome. It was bruised everywhere, and the doctor said he was surprised they didn't have to do a C-Section. He also said that from what he could tell, she probably wouldn't be able to have any more children. She just shrugged and pulled her gown back down. "When can I see Elieana?"

"Actually I came in to mention that too. She's doing great, and I can have to nurses bring her down whenever you're ready." He smiled at her.

"Well tell them now! I want to see her now!" She sat up, struggling a bit. "Vamanos! Why are you still here?"

I laughed at her enthusiasm. She smiled widely, and within a few minutes a nurse came in with a chubby little girl, wrapped in a pink blanket. She had a head full of dark hair and these beautiful grey eyes.

Santana practically snatched her from the nurses arms. She was so precious and beautiful, and she was cooing to no end. "She's gonna be a talker." Santana said.

"Yeah, just like her Mama." I commented. And then after a while Santana made me hold her too. She wrapped her tiny fingers around my pinky, and babbled cutely. I smiled at her, and a warmness settled all over me. Santana was smiling too, and she curled up against my side so she could fall asleep soundly.

* * *

It was the day before Elieana was supposed to go home that San got a call from Tony. He was talking a lot, and she wasn't saying anything at all. Just making those affirmative "Mm-hmm" noises and stuff. I wasn't sure what was going on, until I heard her give him the hospital address. My heart sank into my stomach, and I felt my hands shaking as she hung up with him, saying "Okay, see you soon… Love you too…"

She put the phone down and looked at me. I wasn't crying yet, but I could feel it coming. Her eyes looked dead and tired, and her face looked hallow. "I think you should go."

Her voice didn't even sound the same. Moments ago she had been my Santana, and in seconds she was suddenly his again.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked quietly.

"Elieana needs her Mommy and her Daddy. A stupid little fight shouldn't change that."

"He pushed you down the stairs Santana. And then he LEFT you there. And you're just going to take him back?"

She sighed. Her entire demeanor was different. Elieana started crying from her little crib next to the bed, and Santana lifted up. She was silent almost immediately. I swear San was meant to be a Mom.

"I don't expect you to understand okay? I don't have a rich mommy and daddy to take care of me. My family left me. He's all I have. Without him I have no job, no income, no help." She wouldn't look at me now.

"But I can help you San. I'll be there for you until you get back on your feet Santana. We can make this work." I knew she wasn't going to believe me now. Not when Tony was already on the way.

"Make it work how Quinn? The same way you made it work? Well here's some news for you Quinn. I'm not like you. I'm not going to just give up my child like a puppy. I love her, and she needs a family. I'm not going to lose her because I'm the one with a bad temper. Now get out."

My face was red now. I couldn't cry anymore. I was so tired of crying and feeling sorry for Santana when she didn't even care for herself.

"That's not fair Santana. None of it is. And that's not what I meant at all."

"Quinn I don't care! Okay? I don't. Get out. Now. I don't want you here anymore." Her voice never changed. Not even a little. I doubt she even believed herself.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't help her if she didn't want to help herself. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but it wouldn't matter now. So I left. And just as she was closing the door I heard her say something, really quietly. "No one knows but you."

It wasn't a request. It was just a statement. But I knew what she wanted. She wanted me to keep her secret, just as I had been. I looked back at her, but all I got was those dark eyes. My Santana was gone. This was the one Tony created, and I didn't stand a chance.

"I love you." I said quietly. I don't know if she even heard me, or if she even cared to.


	5. Chapter 5

**I apologize in advance for the length of this chapter, and the lack of Quinntana. BUT I really like this one, so I'm hoping you will too.**

**Nothing is mine, blah blah blah, you already know.**

I went back to California after that. I waited around for weeks for that midnight call, but it never happened. Eventually I learned to eat and breathe and sleep again, but everything inside me ached. Nothing felt real.

A week before finals I got called into the Deans' office. Earlier this year our school had been selected for having the best journalism programs in the California, which had gotten us a lot of publicity and free laptops.

Apparently my Professor, who'd always been impressed by my work, had gotten a call from some big newspaper company in New York who was looking for interns. They were going to provide housing, food, and 5000$ spending money to 5 students specifically from our school.

"We've been trying to get in touch with you for a while now Miss. Fabray. We got the call a few weeks ago, but you've been sort of… MIA."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that…" I mumbled, trying to think of what the fuck I've been doing the past three weeks that people couldn't find me. I stopped going to classes for a while, and just watched my lectures online or got the notes from other people. I would email all my work to my teachers and spend the rest of my time in bed, staring at my phone or watching Lifetime.

"It's okay, but I just want you to know that this is a great opportunity for you, and I need to know by the end of the day whether or not you want to take it. I understand if you don't because it's very short notice, seeing as the plane leaves in exactly two weeks, but I think you should really think about this." He took his glasses off and took a deep breath like my Dad used to right before he said something really important. "You were on the Dean's list for both your freshman and sophomore year, and I don't know what's happened this year that things have gone so far south for you. All I know is that you're being given a chance you don't very well deserve, and maybe you can take this opportunity to get yourself together and get back on track."

I wasn't really listening much after that. When he was done talking I said yes, absolutely. I didn't give myself a chance to think too hard and talk myself out of it. I wasn't even sure what I was getting myself into, but I was going in headfirst.

The apartment I got in New York was so small that if I lay out on the floor, spread eagle, I could be in my bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and living room all at the same time. Because I was the last to join, I ended up rooming by myself, which was just fine with me. I didn't much care for company.

I successfully managed to get myself back into some semblance of a normal schedule. I went back to working my ass off, even though all I was really doing was making coffee runs and filing paperwork. I wanted them to like me, to be impressed. I knew that this was big, and I couldn't just shuffle through it like I did school.

At the beginning of July we all got called into a big office. I sat smushed between this big redhead guy with pimples on his arms and this girl named Ashley with bright blue eyes and dark chocolate colored hair.

I hadn't really seen anyone since we landed in New York and got assigned rooms. I preferred to keep to myself rather than involve myself in interpersonal relationships with people I really didn't give two shits about. We had all be assigned to different parts of the building to work in, and the only time anyone really got to hang out was at night. Of course, I spent my nights with the doors locked and my face shoved in a pint of Ben&Jerry's, watching shitty movies on Netflix.

It was obvious by the way that everyone was laughing, chatting, and carrying on that I was the only one who hadn't formed any type of connection with anyone. Great, just fucking great. They were all talking about going to some bar tonight that had just opened up right down the street from the apartment, while my only plans were to figure out whether or not there was a liquor store within walking distance.

Eventually a man came in with his assistant, (who we were all familiar with because she'd pretty much been in charge of us.) His nameplate said "Tomas J Walker" and he had an uncomfortably excited demeanor. He smiled at us and sat down at the expensive looking desk that looked a lot like the one my Mom used to have before she decided she didn't need to work anymore.

"Well if this isn't the most the most spectacular bunch of scholar's I've ever laid eyes on, I surely don't know what is!" He said, followed by that laugh that only rich people can get away with.

_"Oh dear lord."_ I heard Ashley say, under her breath so that only I could hear her. It took me off guard, and I smirked because I'd seriously run into so few people with that level of snarky-ness since I'd left Lima.

"Well, I know you all didn't come here with the expectation of spending the entire summer making coffee and trying to fix the copy machines, am I correct?" He said everything in the same perky, upbeat tone that made me cringe.

"I don't mind!" the fat redhead blurted out, and I heard Ashley whisper _"kiss ass"_ under her breath. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

"Well, as for the rest of you then, I've got an assignment. I want you to go out and find a story, about anyone you want. Do an interview, get the inside scoop, I don't care just write something and have it on my desk in a weeks' time. I'm adding a new section called 'upcoming journalist' and whoever's I thinks got it will get it. I'll be doing this every week, so let's get a move one people, we got no time to waste. Any questions? No? Okay then get the hell out of my office and go find a story!" He clapped his hands twice and shooed us away, and just like that the old Quinn was back.

Within a month I'd not only secured my position as top dog over all the interns, I was the only person that ever got featured in the "Upcoming Journalist" section, and had successfully become the envy of all my peers.

Well, all besides one. After that day in Tomas J Walker's office, Ashley began actively scoping me out. Like I would be standing by the fax machine and suddenly she would be right next to me, blabbering about what a bitch her roommate was and how my floor was the only one that ever had the good coffee.

At first it was strange to me, suddenly having human interaction again. But I quickly fell back into the flow of sarcastic banter and constant insults being hurled back and forth. And then for the first time in a long time I felt normal and human again, and Santana was the farthest thing from my mind for a while.

That is, until I got the letter. I was sitting in my room, working on an article when I heard the automatic sounding buzz of my doorbell. It was Ashley, of course. She was the only person that ever came to visit me, and she was holding a pastel yellow envelope.

"Hey, this is has been sitting in your mailbox for like, three weeks now and I figured you might want it." She said, handing it over. I took it from her, wonder who the hell was sending me anything. The only person who had my address besides my mother was Netflix, and I had yet to finish Mama Mia, so I wasn't expecting anything from anyone.

Then I looked at the return address. I guess I must have made a face or something because all of a sudden Ashley got really nervous too. "Uh, okay… I'm just going to go now."

"Yeah, okay." I said, my hand on the door. But then I stopped myself, and I'm not sure why but I stopped her too. "Hey, Ashley… You wanna come in? I got a bottle of tequila and I think Bad Girls comes on tonight… if you watch it. I've only seen a few episodes but I've been trying to turn it into a drinking game…"

She laughed at that, and that was how I found myself half drunk, eating cold pizza from my refrigerator and discussing my sex life.

"Wait wait wait, so how many guys have you had sex with?" She asked.

"Uh, three, including high school." I said, plucking the icy pepperoni off my pizza.

"And how many girls?"

I thought about it for a second, but then concluded that it was far too many to count so I held up my hands and spread my arms as far apart as they would go. "This many."

"Jesus Christ Quinn, you like a fucking rabbit." She said, laughing so hard she almost knocked the bottle off the table.

"Well, what can I say? I like sex. Whatever, how many people have you slept with?"

"Two. Both my ex-boyfriends. Both relationships last three years." She said proudly.

"Woahhh, we got a girl who likes a commitment!" I teased. She smiled and said "Better than being a whore."

"I'm so not a whore! I haven't even had sex in like..." I counted back in my head. I had stopped going out after Thanksgiving, the week Santana kissed me. I didn't really do it consciously, I just didn't really want to much after that. "Dude, it's totally been like 10 months."

"Wow dude." She imitated, "I'm like, totally proud of you."

"Yeah, but I think I miss it. A little bit, you know? Not really the fucking everybody part but the fucking part." I wasn't even sure if I was making sense at this point.

"Huh." She said thoughtfully. It was quiet for a moment, save for the Bad Girls fighting on the little TV screen. "So on a scale of 1 to 10, how gay would you say you are?"

"Like a 30." I said, without a second thought.

Ashley paused, then said "I think I'm like a 5. Like right in the middle."

"You mean bisexual?" I asked.

"Yeah. Like, I've never had sex with a girl, but I totally would. Like an experiment I guess. To see if I like it as much as I think I would."

My mind was reeling with the possibilities of what she was saying. Ashley was hot, like really really hot. She had a gorgeous body and her eyes were the color of ice. But I myself wasn't sure if I was ready to move on.

I almost smacked myself at that thought. Move on from what? My best friend, who had a boyfriend and a baby? We had nothing together besides a friendship; save for a couple of secret kisses that clearly meant nothing. So I went for it.

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows at her. I set my half eaten pizza down on the counter and went over to straddle her lap. She made an "Oomph" noise in surprise, which quickly turned into a moan as our lips met, and our tongues tangled, and my hands found their way into her tank top.

We had sex that night. It was hard and fast and really, really good, and I swear to god I wouldn't have believed that was Ashley's first time with a girl if it wasn't for the fact that she asked several times "Is this okay?" and "Am I doing this right?" It was honestly adorable how innocent she could sound with three fingers jammed inside me and her mouth wrapped around my clit.

And the next morning when I woke up I didn't regret a damn thing. The old Quinn was back with a vengeance, and she wasn't going to fall again. I buried the envelope from Santana at the bottom of my closet, and refused to let myself think about it. Then I went and fucked Ashley again.

Everything after that is really a blur of drunken nights, hard work, and lots and lots of sex with Ashley. In the break room, in the bathroom at that new bar… In her room, in mine, and in her bitchy roomates bed. One time she stole the keys from the janitor to Tomas J's office, and we snuck in and had sex there too.

I found myself again that summer. It wasn't easy, but for a while I was okay again. Not really happy, but okay. I was having fun and enjoying all my life had to offer, and I should have been over the moon with excitement. But I wasn't, and I knew it. But I guess without Santana that was as good as it was ever going to get.

A couple weeks before we we're set to leave Ashley announced to me that she wasn't going back to California. She liked the people and the atmosphere in New York so much better. She said she was "sick of California and all the damn smiles and sunshine all the time." She transferred to a college close by and started looking for an apartment and a roommate.

Shortly after that I got offered a paid internship at the office, with a full time position available the second I graduated. I jumped at the opportunity, and transferred all my classes to ones online so I could stay in the city. They day everyone else said their goodbyes and went back home, Ashley and I moved into our new apartment, right up the street from the old one.

I didn't visit home much after that. My Mom was gone all the time with her soon to be husband, going on cruises and vacationing in Europe, so I had no real reason to go home. No one really wanted me there.

In November, Ashley asked me what we were. I didn't really know at that point, we hadn't really been on a date or anything, and we never even really talked that much. As far as I was concerned, we were friends that had sex a lot, but she wanted a real label. So I said she was my girlfriend and she said okay and that was that. I had a girlfriend, and that was fine with me.

Around Christmas I received another envelope from Santana, which I hid in a box under my bed along with the other one. I didn't open them, fearing that when I did all those old feeling would come spilling out and I wouldn't know what to do with them.

I fell into a rut for a long while. It was the same thing every day. Go to work, come home, finish a paper, fuck Ashley, and go to bed. On Saturdays we would go out and on Sundays we would stay in and sleep all day. Then Monday we would wake up and do the same thing all over again.

The third envelope came on April 27th. I hadn't realized the date until I was going to put it in the box, and as I dropped it I noticed the sticker on the back, holding the envelope closed. It was a little picture of Winnie the Pooh, holding a balloon and wearing a little gold crown. On the Balloon it said "Happy Birthday!" in little white letters.

And then they finally came. Those tears I was so tired of crying that I made myself forget. My chest hurt terribly and my face felt hot, and I couldn't seem to make my hands stop shaking. I was sobbing then, a whole years' worth of tears coming from my eyes faster than my shirt sleeves could catch them.

I opened the first envelope, the one I got in July. A picture fell out, but I didn't look at it. I just read the note inside.

_Dear Quinn,_

_Elie rolled over for the first time today. It was the cutest thing. She was just sitting up on her elbows with this real determined look on her face. I thought she was pooping, to be honest… but the she started rocking back and forth, and looking like a caterpillar. And then she was rolling, all the way across the living room! She almost went under the couch, and I had to run across the room to go catch her._

_She still babbles all the time. Even in her sleep, she can't seem to stop talking. It's the cutest thing Quinn, I wish you could see it._

_Sincerely, San & Elie_

I left the picture on the floor, ripping open the second envelope. I was the same as the first, a note and a picture that I ignored. I was going to save them for last, and look at them all at the same time.

_Dear Quinn,_

_Elie started crawling and talking at the same time. Like really talking, using words I can understand. She yells "MAMA!" really loud when she wakes up in the morning. Sometimes your mom babysits her, when Tony and I both have to work and she's in town. She calls her "Bubbie," which is the same thing she calls Tony's mom. I guess she thinks of her as her grandmother too._

_She crawls in the slow, lazy sort of way, like she has nowhere to go, and no where she needs to get fast. It's like she thinks the whole world is waiting for her, and she's going to take her good sweet time getting there._

_I hope you're not mad at me Quinn. I did what I had to do. I was scared and alone, and I had to make things work. I miss you terribly._

_Love, San and Elie_

I stung a little to know my Mom got to see Elieana and I didn't, but I didn't let it bother me too much. It wasn't her fault at all, and she didn't know what happened between us. She never really mentioned that she had been babysitting, but she probably assumed that Santana had already told me. That and I ignore most of her calls these days.

The last letter was the longest.

_Dear Quinn,_

_I'm not sure why you haven't come home, but I'm pretty sure I have something to do with it. I don't know if I could even see you if you did come. Tony doesn't leave anymore, and he's with me all the time, so I can't even call anyone. Not that there's anyone to call. The only person I even want to talk to pretty much hates my guts, which is understandable after the shit I said to her. That was a year ago now, wasn't it? It feels like yesterday, and it still hurts just as bad._

_Tony and I started fighting again. No one knows, and no one ever will. I'm not even sure if I'm doing the right thing anymore. Elie hears us fight sometimes, and it makes her cry. Sometimes she gets mad and throws her toys at her daddy. It's kinda funny, she's just barely a toddler and she has such a feisty attitude._

_She's walking now, a little bit. Not as fast as she'd like to, of course. But she'll stand up and stick her fat little arms out for balance, then wobble a couple steps, before falling. Sometimes she cries when she falls, but not because she's hurt or anything. It's because she's frustrated and it makes her mad if she can't do something. You were right when you said she's just like her Mama._

_Yesterday we had her birthday party. We did it early because Tony and I were both off and her birthday was on a Tuesday. This little girl love sweets Quinn, it's insane. We're gonna be in trouble if she keeps it up, she's already a fat little thing. But she's so cute I can't help but give her everything she wants._

_Sometimes when I look at her I think of you. That determined look she gets, the way her eyebrow wrinkles when she's mad. One time Tony got a call while he was feeding her and when he turned around to take it she threw a bowl of apple sauce right at his head. He was so mad, and I was worried for a second what he was going to do, but then she started giggling. Like a really loud, happy giggle, and it made him laugh too. And then we were all laughing and for a moment I thought things were going to be okay._

_I live my life for moments like those, you know? Moments when everything is alright and everyone is happy and for just a few minutes, or even seconds, it feels like it's all okay. That's how I used to feel around you Quinn. And I miss it a lot._

_Your Girls, San and Elie._

I picked up the picture from the envelope. On the back it said "Elie's First Chocolate Bar." I flipped it over, and immediately felt myself grin, even though the tears kept coming. In the picture, Elieana's face and hands were covered in chocolate, and she was using those hands to grab San's face and plant a big kiss on her Mommy's cheek. Santana's face was priceless, with her jaw dropped in surprise and her eyes lighting up the way they always do when she's really happy.

My heart ached a bit at seeing that smile, but I pushed the feeling away. I was going to be happy for her, or at least as happy as I could be. The next picture was of Elie crawling across the carpet, reaching for the camera. Her face was chubby and her cheeks were red and I smiled when I realized she kept those beautiful grey eyes that made her look old and wise.

The third picture said "Elie's first birthday" and the second I flipped it over I felt like all the air was sucked from my lungs. It was of Elieana and Santana, sitting on the front porch of their house in Martainsburg. Santana was sitting with her legs crossed and Elie was sitting in front of her, laughing really hard and clapping her hands. She was so big, and her hair was thick and curly. I looked really close I could see Elie was wearing a little charm bracelet, that looked just like the one I had on my wrist. She was wearing a frilly blue dress with little black bows, with a ribbon in her hair to match. Of course her Mama wouldn't have her in pink.

Then I looked at Santana. I couldn't see her very clearly, but I could tell her hair was a lot longer. She was making a face, which was what was making Elie laugh. She looked really thin, but leave it to Santana to kick the baby weight off in just a year. And then I noticed something else.

I held the picture close to my face, and I could see that her shirt had ridden up a bit. No one would have noticed if they hadn't looked really hard, but of course I did. Right where you would normally expect to see Santana's perfectly smooth tan skin there was something else. I couldn't see much, but I could tell there was no tan skin in sight. It was bruised, purplish blue.

That's what she meant when she said they were fighting again. He was hitting her, in places where no one could see it. He was getting smart, which meant it was even more dangerous now then it was before.

I heard the front door open and I shoved everything back in the box and ran to the bathroom. I didn't know what this meant, but I knew I couldn't talk to Ashley about it yet. Probably not ever. I turned on the shower and stripped off my clothes, but I didn't get in. Instead I sat on the floor, in nothing but my underwear, with every intention of taking a shower but not being able to make myself move. Instead I cried, and I felt a years' worth trouble looming over me, as I tried to force myself to forget again.


	6. Chapter 6

**You guys are probably not going to like some things about this chapter, but boo-fucking-hoo. Deal with it. Oh, and theres smut.**

**I'm a broke college student working a minimum wage job. I don't even own a toothbrush.**

Things with Ashley changed very quickly after that. We went from having sex every time we had the chance to hardly ever having sex at all. It didn't feel the same, suddenly. Mind blowing orgasms were no longer the only thing on my mind, and I could tell it was frustrating her.

It was a couple weeks before graduation when I was lying in bed, half asleep, that she came in the room, hair damp from the shower, wearing nothing but a t-shirt. Without saying a single word she crawled in bed next to me and slipped her hand into my pajama shorts, while straddling my bare thigh. She wasn't wear anything under her shirt, and I could feel her wetness coating my thigh as she ran her fingers through my folds.

I tried. I really did. I grabbed her face and kissed her as hard as I could, but I felt nothing. I wasn't even the least bit excited. She pulled back and looked me in the eyes, and I don't know what she saw but she knew. "What's happening Quinn?" She asked.

And right then and there I broke. With Ashley's hand in my pants and her wetness on my thigh I broke down and started crying in that way where it's so hard you start to hiccup a little bit.

I don't know how she remained so calm after that, because I would have freaked out. But she didn't. She just held me until I was calm enough to reach under the bed and grab the box that held what was hurting me so much. She read the letters, and smiled when she looked at the pictures. She couldn't see what I saw, but she understood that this was what was hurting me.

"Who is she?" She asked.

"My best friend." I said. It was the only thing I knew for certain. She was my everything. The girl I loved. The girl that broke my heart to keep herself safe. The only thing that really mattered to me. She was so much, but she was first and foremost my best friend. That I knew for sure.

And then, a week or so after I graduated and started working for the office, I got that midnight call. The one I'd waited for so long, but at the same time hoped would never come. I was lying in bed with my girlfriend curled up to my side, and my phone started buzzing. It didn't wake me up at first, so Ashley answered it, poking me in my side to try to get me to open my eyes.

"Uhh, hullo?" She answered. "Oh, yeah she's right here, may I ask who's calling? This is Ashley, who are you? Okay hold on I'm trying to wake her up… Quinn get the fuck up." She shoved the phone in my hand. "It's Santana. It sounds important." She told me before rolling over and trying to fall back asleep.

"San?" I said sleepily. I felt like this was still a dream, seeing as Santana hadn't talked to me in over a year.

"Who was THAT?" She asked, in that knowing tone I hated and loved at the same time.

"That's Ashley." I said quietly.

"No, I know that, she told me that. Why are you waking up in bed with this Ashley?" She said, and I could practically hear her smirk through the phone. I don't know why but I could feel a blush spreading from my cheeks to my ears and down my neck.

"Santana, I know you did not call me at…" I checked the clock on my nightstand. "11 PM on a Wednesday night just to inquire about who I'm sleeping with."

"I wasn't, but now I'm interested. You said sleeping with? Where's this Ashley person? Let me say hi. Are you two banging?" She was spitting out questions and orders faster than I could think, and before I could say anything Ashley snatched the phone out of my hand.

"Hello? Hi… Yeah, we're together… Yes, we've been having sex for like… 9 months now… How is she? She's been pretty good as far as I can tell… Oh you mean in bed?" I grabbed the phone back before she could answer. Dear Lord, Santana doesn't talk to me in over a year and the first time she calls this is the way the conversation goes? It felt like a really weird dream and I wasn't sure how to make sense of it all.

"Santana, please tell me why you called before I have a heart attack right here in this bed and Ashley has to google how to do CPR."

She laughed dryly before getting really quiet. In the background I could hear cars whirring by, and I realized that for whatever strange reason, Santana was standing outside at in the middle of the night, and that alone should be cause for concern.

"Do you remember what you said to me?" she asked.

"Santana I've known you since we were 7, I've said a lot of things to you over the course of 15 years."

"Okay, true. But do you remember what you said… it was the day after thanksgiving? When we uh…" She stopped talking, and I knew didn't want to say it. And suddenly I did. I didn't care about Tony or his stupid family anymore. I felt so much that I didn't want to feel over one simple moment in time, and I was tired of pretending it didn't happen.

"We kissed Santana. You and me, full lip-lock, on your couch. And we kissed again on New Year's Day. No, we fucking made out on New Year's Day, in my bed. Both of those things I remember perfectly clear." I said it before I could really think about it. If I think about things too much, I talk myself out of them.

"Okay, yeah, I know we kissed. I was kinda there when it happened. But that's not what I'm talking about." She sighed heavily. "Although we can talk about it later since it seems to be so important to you."

"BECAUSE IT WAS IMPORTANT SANTANA!" I was yelling now, and Ashley was looking at me like I just sprouted another head.

"OKAY! Okay Quinn, I understand how important it was, and trust me it was a magnificent fucking kiss and I saw fireworks and turtle doves and shit and honestly it scared the fuck outta me but that not the point right now okay?" She took a deep breath to calm herself down. "You said something to me that day, right before I kissed you. Do you remember what it was?"

I had to think about it, because the only thing I really ever thought about when it came to that day was the kiss. But then I remembered. "I said I'll always be there. All you have to do is call." The line went silent, and I had to check and make sure she was still there. "San?"

And then I heard it. She was crying. The really broken kind of crying, the kind that sounded like a years' worth of pain coming out all at the same time. "I need you Quinn. I really fucking need you."

"What happened? Where are you?" I stood up and started digging around under my bed and on the floor in the dark, looking for my shoes.

"I'm… outside a hotel… in the middle of… Pennsylvania." She was saying between sobs. It didn't make sense at all, and I wasn't even sure if I heard her right.

"Santana, I need you to calm down and explain things a little better than that." Ashley flipped on the lights and threw my flip flops across the room at me. "Thank you." I whispered and she nodded. Then she stood and grabbed my jacket from the chair and threw it on the bed, along with my keys.

I expected her to hop back in bed and go back to sleep, but she didn't. She went to the closet and grabbed one of my big purses off the floor and started filling it with clothes. I stood there in awe, and briefly why I couldn't just fall in love with the perfect girl standing right in front of me. The Santana started talking again.

"Okay, Tony started hitting me again. A lot. But he would only do it at night when Elie was asleep, or no one was around. But we would argue all the time, and it was sort of my fault because I would always start it. But then, about a week after Elieana's birthday we started arguing, and I was yelling really loud. Elie started crying and then he looked outside and one of the neighbors was standing there, watching us. He got really mad and dragged me up the steps by my hair…" She stopped for a minute, crying really hard again. "I told him to stop but he wouldn't. He just started hitting me. When the cops got there he was gone. I was in Elie's room, lying next to her crib and trying to get her to stop crying. I couldn't pick her up. He cracked a couple ribs and broke my wrist…"

"Where are you now San?" My voice sounded surprisingly calm.

"I got out of the hospital a few weeks ago. Took the car and Elie and drove as far as I could until I ran out of gas. I wanted to come see you but I couldn't get that far. So I stopped at this little motel and I was staying here until I figured out what to do. But now I'm out of gas and out of money and I still don't know what to do Quinn. I'm all alone."

"Santana where's Elieana?" I asked.

"Right here in the car. Hold on… Say hi Elie."

"Hi Elie!" She said. Her voice was perky, despite her mommy having a mental breakdown in the front seat. "Hi Elie, Hi Elie, Hi Elie!" She sing-songed into the phone, followed by the cutest giggle I ever heard. It brought tears to my eyes, which I quickly wiped away.

"Hello?" It was Santana again.

"Okay San," I said, taking a deep breath and trying to keep calm even though I was clearly a mess. "Go in and give the guy my credit card number. I'll text it to you. Tell him I'm your sister and if he gives you any shit call me. Only pay for one day because as soon as I get there we're heading back to Lima and staying at my mom's house. You got it?"

"Okay, I got it." She said, sounding a little defeated.

"Okay good. Now text me the address of where you're staying and I'll call you back when I'm on the road."

"Okay." She sounded really sad, but she was finally done having her little meltdown. "Hey Quinn?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. I owe you one."

"You own me thousands." I said before hanging up.

When I turned around Ashley was holding my bag and my keys and my jacket. She had that knowing look on her face that made her look older than she was. "Ashley…" I started, but she put her hand up to stop me. "I heard. You're going to go be an awesome best friend and save the day."

"I just… I have to do this." I said, trying to explain thing I didn't understand myself.

"Do you love her Quinn?" She asked. I nodded, because I didn't want to say it out loud. "And you don't love me."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement. A fact. Something she already knew before it was even said. I could see tears welling in her eyes, and I didn't know what to do. We never were good at talking. So I decided to do the one thing we were good at.

I pushed her down on the bed and kissed her. Hard. My tongue made its way into her mouth and my hand slipped under her nightshirt. I slipped my fingers under her tiny pink panties that I saw her put on a few short hours beforehand, yanking her shirt off with the other hand.

My mouth found its way to her hardened nipple at the same time my fingers slipped through her drenched folds and deep inside her. She screamed. Loud.

"Oh my God Ash…" I breathed out against her skin before switching to the other breast so I could occupy my free hand. "Has it been that long?"

"Far too fucking long Quinn." She lifted her leg up between mine so I could grind myself against her. She always loved it when I rode her knee, and I once again wondered if I could make myself fall in love with Ashley the way I was with Santana. But I pushed the thought away, not wanting to ruin this.

Somehow, someway Ashley pushed my pajama shorts off to the side, knowing I wasn't wearing any underwear. I knew she could feel the wetness sliding down her thigh as I pushed myself closer to the edge. I used my thumb to rub her clit as fast as my fingers would allow, still pumping in and out. I felt her grow tight around my fingers, and in less than a minute she was coming undone under me.

Before I could ride her through it though she pushed my hand away and slipped her own under my shorts, finding my clit with ease. I gasped at the feeling, and her skilled hand had me coming in just a few moments, with me riding her leg the entire time.

I knew it was time to go, but I knew she wasn't entirely finished yet. I stooped down between her legs, smelling the sweet scent that was so purely Ashley, and brought my mouth to the dark pink spot of cotton between her legs. She moaned loudly, her fingers lacing through my hair as my tongue found her hardened bud through her panties. I sucked as hard as I possibly could, and that was all it took for her to come again.

Now it was really time to go, but I wasn't satisfied. I slipped off her underwear and ran my tongue through her folds. "One more time?" I asked her, my breath making her clit even harder. I blew against it, and it rose out of its hood, making me smirk. I still had it.

"One more time." She agreed. I wasted no time at all, pushing three fingers in at once and flicking her clit with my tongue. I felt her yanking my hair at its roots, and her thighs clenched around my head. I ran my tongue in circles around the little pink bud while pumping in and out, and just as I felt her tightening around my fingers I pressed my tongue against it as hard I could. That's when Ashley came, hard. I don't think I've ever seen her so wet, and the sheets beneath us were absolutely soaked.

She rode my fingers as she came down and finally released my hair. Before I could even sit up all the way she pulled me into a kiss, one that I'll probably never forget. It was hard and passionate and desperate, and when I finally pulled back I thought I might faint. She was breathing hard, her chest rising and falling. She was one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen, and I almost couldn't believe I was about to leave her behind.

Her eyes were all glossy. It was a look I knew well. She'd be asleep in a matter of minutes, probably before I even got to the door. She pulled the blankets up around herself. "Don't expect me to be here when you get back." She said.

I started gathering my things that had fallen on the floor. "I don't."

She was really quiet then, and I thought she was asleep. Then as I reached under the lampshade I felt her hand on my hip. I looked at her, and she looked at me with those wise, tired eyes, and said something that would stick with me for years to come. "Don't regret anything. Okay? People make mistakes every day. They follow the wrong path, fall in love with the wrong people, and do stupid things to make themselves' feel better. Just keep moving forward and don't look back. I never do."

I nodded and leaned down to kiss her forehead before turning off the light. "So I guess this means were over?" I asked as I reached the door.

"Oh totally." She answered but I could hear the smile in her voice. "But call me if you ever want to have goodbye sex again."


	7. Chapter 7

I didn't realized I had 14 missed calls from Santana until I was already in the car, and before I could even dial she was calling me again.

"Hello?" I answered, already nervous because I knew what was coming.

"WHAT THE FUCK FABRAY?" She yelled into my ear. "You say you're going to text me, and an hour later I'm still sitting here on my butt waiting for the alleged text."

"Do you normally curse like that around your child? She's going to pick that up, you know."

"Jesus Christ Quinn-" she started to talk, but I quickly interrupted her.

"Hey hey, as a former member of the Christ Crusaders and president of the celibacy club I take great offense to you using the lord's name in vain like that."

"¡Oh Dios mío! No puedo creer que tú, perra blanca loca, you're lucky I love you! Me estás volviendo loco!" She was yelling.

"Did you just call me crazy bitch?" I asked in genuine shock.

"No, I said perra BLANCA loca." I could hear her laughing as she said it a second time.

"So you calling me a crazy white bitch somehow makes it better? You know that's no way to treat the godmother to your child, who it currently driving 80 miles an hour to the middle of fucking nowhere for you." I huffed.

"I didn't say I wasn't grateful! And slow the fuck down Quinn, we're not going anywhere. Elie finally fell asleep in her car seat so I might just sleep in the car. She gets all fussy when I wake her up."

"Jesus Santana, you know I left a beautiful naked woman in my bed to come save your ass, I'd like to think you'd be more polite."

"Woah, wait, did you say naked? Like NAKED naked?"

I slapped myself in the forehead, once again forgetting who I was talking to. No matter what I'm saying, Santana always catches every dirty thing that comes out of my mouth. "Yes naked, okay?"

"Is that what you've been doing for the past hour?" She giggled.

"Yes, Santana, I was having sex okay? I don't know why you're getting all up in my sex life when you haven't even spoken to me in a year." I grumbled. She got really quiet on her end, and I knew a good person would say sorry. But I wasn't sorry, and Ashley was right about not regretting things. I wasn't going to say sorry for saying things I meant.

"It wasn't my fault okay?" Her voice was far away now.

"Yeah, okay." I said, sounding bitter.

"So I guess you two are pretty serious?"

I sighed, knowing that this conversation could seriously last the entire 4 hour drive there, and I wasn't ready to talk about it just yet. "We can talk about it when I get there okay? Try to go to sleep, I need to focus on driving."

"Okay. Stay safe hun." She said, then she hung up before I could respond.

* * *

It was 5 in the morning when I got to the hotel. I pulled up next to San's car, and found her curled up in the back seat next to Elie's car seat. My heart hurt so much, seeing them together and knowing what they'd been through to get them there. And as much as I wanted I yank the door open and pull them both into my arms, I knew they'd barely slept and I wasn't going to be the one to wake them up.

So I did what Quinn does best. I yanked out my computer and silently thanked whatever deity kept my car from getting robbed at night, even though I consistently forget that I'm no longer living in Lima and I can't just leave my purse on the seat and the car unlocked. And then, armed with my laptop and a crumpled up sheet of notebook paper I found on my floor, I went to work on finding ways to make things better.

* * *

I seriously almost peed my pants when I heard a tap at the window. Thankfully, it was just my best friend and not a psychotic mass murder.

"SAN!" I yelled, throwing the door open so fast she almost fell over.

"Jesus Christ Quinn, are you trying to kill me?" she asked, but I ignored her, throwing my arms around her neck. She stood there in shock for a moment or two before wrapping her arms around my waist, and then we were crying again. Both of us, at the same time, crying and laughing and looking crazy.

"Quinn I'm so sorry." She blabbered. "I didn't mean any of those things I said. I didn't mean it at all and I swear to god I'll feel bad every day for the rest of my life because of it."

I sighed. Her saying sorry didn't make anything better, and it certainly didn't make it alright. "I don't want to talk about it right now San." I pulled away to look at her face. She didn't look the same, not really. She had dark circles around her eyes and a tiny scar coming from all the way behind her ear down under her chin. I ran my finger over it, which made her eyes fall to the ground. I didn't even have to ask where it came from. This wasn't my Santana at all, but I knew she was still in there somewhere.

"We have a four hour car ride back to Lima. We can talk about everything then." I wiped the tears from my eyes. "But right now I need to see Elie. Like, immediately."

"Oh! Of course! Hold on, she was still asleep…" She ran around to the other side of the car. The second she opened the door I could hear the babbling Santana talked about in all her letters. "Hey baby girl, Mama's here…" Santana cooed in a voice that sounded nothing like her own. She sounded softer and sweeter, in a way that made my heart melt. "Hold on Elie, I got you. Yes, that is a car, good job. Here we go…"

My eyes welled up the second I saw her. She had Santana's smooth skin and tanned complexion, and the chubbiest little cheeks I've ever seen. Her eyes were still that wise grey color that they were when she was born, and her hair was thick and curly, and it fell in her face a little, right over her eyes. She looked so much older than just 12 months.

"Look Mama, look who it is." Santana was saying to her. "Remember her from the pictures Elie? This is your god mommy. Look." She lifted my wrist up to show her the charm bracelet. Elie looked at it and wrinkled her forehead the same way Santana does when she's thinking too hard, and then lifted her own wrist, shaking it so the charm clanked against the chain. She smiled, turned to me and lifted her fat little hands in the air, practically jumping out Santana's arms so I had to catch her.

"Woah, princess, you're gonna give your Mommy a heart attack." I said, grabbing her before she went face first into my car. She giggled and clapped her hands, making the charm jingle again.

"She does it all the time, whenever I see your Mom. She's the only person she'll go to other than me, and you too I guess." Santana shrugged.

"I got you something." I said to Elie, who started playing with the sequins around the edge of my tank top. "Can you get it San, its sitting on the backseat?"

"Sure." She said, reaching in the car and grabbing the toy I'd picked up from K-mart on the way.

"MONTEY!" Elieana squealed when she saw it. It was a little brown doggy with a blue vest.

"I wasn't sure what it was, I just saw them all over the store and I figured it was probably really popular…" I told Santana.

"Yeah, she knows who he is, don't you Elie?" Santana said, handing it over to the fidgeting girl in my arms. "Where'd you see Montey Elie?"

"TV!" She yelled, immediately hugging the stuffed puppy as tight as she could. I laughed at her, wondering how I'd missed out on a whole year of this. Last time I saw this girl she couldn't even hold her head up, and now she was talking.

"I don't mean to rush things, but Elie needs to be changed and eat breakfast soon, or she'll start throwing a fit." Santana said. "And I'm kind of all out of gas."

"I got it, don't worry, I saw a gas station up the road." I said, shifting her weight to one side.

"Actually, I kinda was hoping to just leave the car here. It's not even in my name… They told me they arrested Tony while I was in the hospital, but I know he has the money to make bail, and the friend's that will get him out. And as soon as he realizes we're gone, this is what he's going to be looking for." She got it all out in one breath, and I could tell there were a lot of things she was aching to say. But there were other things we had to take care of first.

"Okay. Okay, we'll figure it out. Get her car seat and your stuff out the car. There's a Denny's like, 10 minutes away from here."

Santana nodded, and gave me the same look she'd been giving me all day, like she was disappointed and happy all at the same time. It looked exactly like how I felt.

* * *

I didn't realize how insanely hungry I was until I realized I'd scarfed down an entire omelet in less than five minutes.

"Dear Lord Quinn, do I have to feed you like I do Elie? You have stuff all over your face."

"Shut up." I grumbled, wiping my face with the paper napkin and taking a big swig from my glass of orange juice. "Stress makes people hungry, and you stress me out."

Santana laughed, spooning this greenish looking gunk from a jar into Eli's mouth.

"What is that anyway?" I asked, making a face.

"Some type of organic shit that cost twice as much as regular food. I saw a special on discovery channel that said that sometimes they put this fatty stuff in regular baby food to make is spread out more or something, I don't know." She sighed, wiping Elie's face on her bib. "I wouldn't have cared if they didn't show pictures and stuff, but they did. It was yellow and gunky and disgusting and since then I've been buying organic."

I smiled at her. "You're a good mommy, San. Except for the excessive use of profanity in front of your child."

"I forget." She huffed. "It just kinda slips. I think I'll get better when she actually starts speaking full sentences and stuff, because I may have a heart attack if she starts yelling _puta estúpida!_ Like her mommy does."

I giggled at her, crossing my arms and wishing I'd remembered to put on that jacket Ashley had handed me. It was cold in the restaurant, and I was still in my pajama shorts and a skimpy tank top.

"You're not wearing underwear, are you?" Santana asked out of nowhere, making me cough on my juice. She didn't even look at me, just smirked and continued feeding her daughter.

"Uh, what?" I asked, once I got air back in my lungs.

"Underwear Q? Panties? You got any under those booty shorts you're wearing?" She made a face at Elie, and she started giggling and clapping her hands again.

"Yes." I lied, scoffing.

"No you don't." She said with that knowing smile. "You keep shifting in your seat, it's a dead giveaway. Plus you're not wearing a bra, which is sort of shocking for you, seeing as you wear them to sleep."

"I was in a rush okay? Jesus, is it that obvious?" I asked, looking down at my chest.

Santana chuckled. "Your boobs are fine Q, perfectly perky, which I completely envy by the way. Mine are yet to return to normal since breastfeeding this little monster." She said, pinching Elie's cheeks. "I would just get another boob job, but it's not really worth it now. Not when I'm in mom jeans."

"I think your beautiful Santana." I commented earnestly.

"Not when I'm rocking Mom jeans and Saggy tits." She sighed. "And stretch marks."

"Hey, you're not the only one with stretch marks hun. Beth took a serious toll on my body. I still wear a one piece to the beach. If that doesn't scream mother, I don't know what does."

That made Santana smile. "I think your beautiful too Quinn." She said. "Even with your pretty pink nips sticking through your shirt."

I gasped and crossed my arms again. Now I definitely regretted not bringing my jacket.

* * *

The first hour into our journey back to Lima would have been completely silent, if it wasn't for Elieana babbling in the backseat, calling out everything she saw. Everything tall was a tree, whether it was a person, a stop sign, or an actual tree. Then as we were driving past a farm I heard her yell "_perrito! _MAMA! _Perrito, perrito!" _as she smacked the window.

"That's a _grande perrito_ baby." Santana said, laughing and staring at the window at the cows in the field.

"What's that mean?" I asked.

"Puppy. It's the only animal she knows, so everything's a _perrito." _She said, chuckling to herself._ "_Even, like, chickens and stuff."

"ARF ARF!" Elie barked, making me laugh again.

"She is so smart. I can't believe she's only one." I said, in awe of the child in my backseat.

"Yeah. When we're in the store and stuff people don't believe me when I say she's twelve months. She's so big and she talks SO much. I mean, she only knows like 9 words, but she says them all the time. It's crazy." Santana shook her head. " Let's see, she knows Mama, TV, Bubbie, Car, Montey (of course,) _perrito,_ tree… I think that's it. Oh and No. She says no a lot, but she doesn't say yes yet. And then she knows some sounds. Hey Elie, what's the _león _say?"

In the rearview mirror I could see her wrinkling her little forehead. Then after a moment or so she looked up at her mommy, her eyes lighting up and getting the biggest smile on her face. "ROAR!" She screamed, scrunching her little fingers up like claws.

After a while Elie's jabbering came to a screeching halt. Like literally, she was talking one second and the next it was silent. Santana glanced back at her. "Oh thank god, she went to sleep. She going to be hungry when she wakes up, and then she'll want another nap."

"Are kids supposed to sleep that much?" I asked. It was around eleven, so I figured that would be about a normal naptime.

"Well as they get older you're supposed to wean them in to only one nap instead of two, but I just kinda let her fall asleep whenever she feels like it. It's like my own personal quiet time."

"And what do you do with that personal time?"

"Clean mostly. Watch TV… And think a lot." She sighed.

"Think about what?" I inquired.

"You." She said bluntly. I laughed, assuming she was joking. Judging by the face she made, she wasn't.

"What? I mean… why?"

"Because I missed you like crazy. I wanted to know how things were going with you. I bumped into your mom at the grocery store all the time… She'd mention one or two things, but not much. And I wouldn't ask because Tony was always around, and he would get sort of annoyed when I would talk about people he didn't know. It didn't really make sense to me…" she sighed, staring out the window.

"Keep talking." I told her. "I want to know this stuff. I want to know everything."

"Where do you want me to start?" She asked.

"The beginning. How you met, when this all started… all that."

She sighed. "It's a lot Q…"

"I need to know. I drove all the way here from New York, I'm putting my job on the line, I dumped my girlfriend-"

"Wait what?" She interrupted.

Then I sighed. "That's not important. I mean it is, but that's not what we're talking about."

"And your jobs on the line?" Santana asked.

"Yes. It is. But I don't regret it. Not one bit. I'm doing this for you San, and that baby girl back there who, I swear to god, I will never let sleep in a car outside a some cheap motel again. She deserves more than that, and so do you." Santana was crying now, but I couldn't stop. "I'm angry at you. I probably will be for a while. But there are other… feelings I have for you Santana that mean so much more than that. So please… Please just tell me the truth."

Santana didn't say anything for a few minutes. Just stared out the window, crying really quietly. "Please?" I asked again.

"Fine, okay? Fine."

**Okay this chapter was much harder for me to write than most, and I honestly don't like it as much but leave a review and tell me what you think. The next chapter will be up within 24 hours. Love ya fuckers!**

**xx, Turtle**


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, this entire chapter is just Santana explaining things to Quinn, beginning to end. Hope you enjoy!**

"We met completely by chance. It was the summer after freshman year at Howard and I got a phone call from my cousin Lucia because her babysitter canceled, and she was all 'Please Sannie, I need you, _Te amaré por siempre.'_ And I was about to say hell fucking no, because her kids are the baddest little fuckers I ever met. I mean seriously, she has twin boys and they were like 5 at the time, and one was still in diapers, like what the fuck you're the worst parent in the world.

"But whatever. Anyway, she offered me 200 bucks for the night, and I figured hey moneys money so why not. And it was all going good, especially after I slipped some Nyquil into their juice… which, now that I'm a mother I can admit what terribly wrong, but at the time it seemed completely justifiable. And then, right after the little monsters fell asleep there's this ring at the door and before I can even stand up my cousin Isabelle, was running to the door and throwing it open and I was like 'What the fuck Isa, who said you could invite people over.' And she's all 'It's cool Sannie, It's my friend from school, she lives up the street.' Then in walks this little _puta, _with her face covered in make-up looking like a hooker and she's like 'Yeah, chill Sannie' and I swear to god Quinn, I could have ripped her face off.

"Now I didn't know at the time that she was Tony's little sister. Nor did I know that they weren't supposed to be hanging out because my family doesn't like Tony. He never really did anything to us, but he got in this big fight with one of my brothers friends when they were in high school, and he ended up in the hospital. I've told you that part before. So Isa and the little bitch went up in her room and locked the door and I figured that was the end of that.

"Then a couple hours later I hear this banging at the door like the fucking cops or something. So I go over, throw the door open, and see this really tall, really cute Salvadorian guy standing there. His eyes were the same color as Elie's and his hair hung in his face and he was ripped. Like, his body looked like Pucks. But of course, I'm trying to act like I don't give a shit how sexy he is so I say 'What the fuck man, I just got the kid's to sleep.'

"And then he cocks his head to the side, looks me up and down, and gets this big grin across his face. And I'm like 'Look fucker, if you're here to rob the place or kidnap the kid's or something, go ahead.' And he just looks at me, like he's trying to figure me out, and then he start's laughing really hard and he's like 'I'm just looking for my sister. She snuck out the house a little while ago and I'd like to get her back before my mom realizes she's gone.'

"And then I'm like, 'Woah woah woah, you mean the hooker?' and he gives me this really confused look and I'm like 'Your little sister just waltzed in here looking like a clown with all this damn make up, and now you're telling me she's AWOL?' and he goes 'Dear God, what is she wearing?' So I run up to my cousins room and I swear to God I could smell pot all the way down the hall and she comes out with her eyes red at fuck and I told her that her brother was waiting for her. And she's like 'Oh shit… do you have any eye drops?'

"And then her brother comes up behind me and is like _"¡Dios mío!_ You look like a _putana!"_ which is basically a ho, and she's like "Fuck you" And just walks out the house like it's nothing. And then he starts apologizing for the weed and stuff and I'm like 'It's cool, I've just been harboring a fugitive for the past two hours.' And that was that. He went home and I made Isabelle spray the house down with Lysol and take a cold shower. Like I swear to God I'm the best big cousin in the world because I washed her clothes and everything and when her Mom came home I had her in bed like nothing even happened.

"So after my cousin paid me I started walking to the bus stop because my car had broken down. That's when Tony pulled up next to me and offered me a ride, and of course I said yes. He was trying to be all gentlemanly and stuff, but then when we were pulling up to my house I made him keep driving. He parked end of the street where you couldn't really see the car, and we had sex. And then the next day he called me and picked me up and fucked again in his parent's basement. And then again at some party at his friend's house. And for a while that's all we did. We didn't really hang out much or even talk that much; we just had a lot of sex.

"But then one day he picked me up and brought me back to his house. When we got there his whole family was there. And he introduced me to everyone as his girlfriend, and just like that I was Tony's girl. Then at the end of the summer when I was packing up to go back to college he called me and asked me to go for a ride, so we did. He drove me to that little house in Martiansburg with a For Sale sign in the yard and parked in the driveway. He asked me if I liked it, and I said yes. Then he asked me if I would like to live there someday and I said yes again.

"That's when he told me about the factory. He said his uncle died and left it to his father, who already had money. He gave it to Antonio, who had already been working there. Tony told me whenever I was ready, it was waiting for me. Then he drove me back home and kissed me and told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him too.

"My parent's didn't know about him at the time. Tony told me about how he had bad blood with my brother as soon as he realized I was a Lopez. But I didn't care. I don't know why I didn't care… I didn't really love him then, not the way I wanted to. I mean I cared for him, I really did, but he wasn't anything special. But I was lonely and he was there… I don't know if you know this but Britt didn't just get up and decide one day she wanted to move to Michigan and work at a daycare. She did it because there was she fell in love with someone else. So I figured I had nothing to lose, so I was just going to stick it out with Tony until I either fell for him or fell for someone else.

"So I went back to college and me and Tony lost touch for a while. I didn't come back for Thanksgiving, so we didn't hook up again until winter break, and that's when the shit hit the fan. Tony's whole family knew who I was any they didn't give a shit. They're really laid back about stuff, which isn't always a good thing. But then that little mouse eyed _diablo_ walked in on me and Tony and she got really pissed, for reasons I cannot explain nor understand. I told you she was out to get me right? But I didn't tell you the worst part. Yeah, the bitch tried to poison me, but she's also the reason why my family won't speak to me anymore.

"She went to my cousin and told her that me and Tony were hooking up. And then my cousin tells her mom who immediately calls my mom and before I even got home everyone knew. The second I opened the door the screaming and hollering started and I was just trapped there in the middle of it all, and I just had to sit there on the couch and listen until they were all done screaming. I couldn't even yell back, there was no way I would win this fight. I was 'sleeping with the enemy' and 'a dirty tramp' and every other bad name in the book.

"Then when they all finished my mother told me, right there in front of my dad and brothers, that I had a choice. She said 'You've done a lot of thing's in the past Santana that I chose to overlook. You've slept around since high school and we chose to look past it. But this is different. This is betrayal. And you can either go with him or stay with us.'

"It was so cold Quinn, and it sounded nothing like my mother when she said it. And I saw the look on my family's faces and I realized no matter what I chose, they weren't going to look at me the same. So I chose Tony. Packed up all my stuff in his car and we left. The next day he bought the house in Martainsburg and I never left. I could have gone back to school, but I knew he had a job for me and it made decent money… I figured I could do online classes but I never got around to it.

"I'm not sure when I decided I loved him. It wasn't really a conscious decision. And even though I said it to him all the time, I never really meant it… But then one day I did. It was like I realized how much he was doing for me and how hard he was working to keep me happy and safe and I loved him for it. Then there was the sex and the parties and her bought me a car… And even though it wasn't my dream really I was happy. And that was good.

"Then one day I got a call from Britt. She was in town visiting her mom and she wanted to hang out. Of course I said yes, and Tony was a work so I just left. I guess up until then I wasn't really hanging out with anyone. I mean, Finn and Puck used to call and stuff but Tony didn't like me talking to other guys, which was understandable. So me and B went out and I didn't get back 'till really late, and he was mad. Like really mad, I didn't call or anything and he was pissed.

"So he just starts yelling and stuff, all 'where the fuck were you,' and 'I've been worried about you, you could have died' and of course I yelled back. And I told him he wasn't my fucking keeper and to leave me the fuck alone, and he just sat there and listened. He had this deadpanned look on his face and he just listened as I told him off. And when I was finished he just stood up and walked out and I figured it was over.

"He wasn't there when I went to bed. I woke up a few hours to this loud ass banging, and he came in the room, drunk as shit, and started banging around. And then, before I could even say anything, he crawled over top of me and pinned me down. He said 'Listen here you stupid little slut. I gave you everything you fucking needed. I took you in, I gave you a job, and I'm taking good fucking care of you. Maybe if you were smarter you'd realize how good you have it. Where are your friends? Where is your family? Do you see them? Because I don't. I'm not asking you for much… Not much at all. Just be a good fucking woman, respect me, and tell me where you're going next time.'

"I said yes. And I said sorry. And then we had sex… and it hurt. But I did it. Then the next day he woke up and went about the day as if nothing happened. But then it happened again. I came home late from work… He got in my face and yelled and I yelled back. He left, came back drunk, and told me I needed to respect him. Then he fucked me.

"It happened again and again and again. Over the stupidest things. I would pick up the wrong kind of orange juice and it would turn into this big fucking fight. I would always fight back, until he got drunk… I wasn't scared of him sober. Only drunk, because that's when he would fight. Really fight. Not with me, but at parties and stuff. He didn't put a hand on me, not at first at least.

"After that we only had sex when we would fight. It hurt every time… I guess because I didn't really want to do it. He was too rough and it was too fast and it was just… too much. And then one time… the condom broke. And I know I should have been on birth control, but I just never really got around to it. So I was pregnant. And I was scared… but I didn't want out, not really. I was still happier there then I would be at home, and I really did love him. I thought things would get better. But I didn't want to bring a baby into it while it was still bad. So I didn't tell anyone.

"A couple weeks later I heard you were in town. Took the car and told Tony I was running errands… Came to see you. I texted him and told him where I was, and he texted me back and said 'You're choosing your low-life friends over me now? That's cool.' I didn't answer him. When I got back home the next day he was pissed. I didn't really understand why, but I didn't fight back. I just let him yell. Then I said okay. And I said sorry… and he didn't get drunk. And it didn't hurt that night when we had sex because I wanted it. I wanted to love him again. And for a while things were okay.

"Of course eventually I had to tell him about the baby. I had decided to keep it, which you knew, and I told him he had a choice. Give up the drinking and the yelling and the fighting, or lose me and the baby. He was mad, I could see it in his eyes, but he didn't say a word. When I was finished he just stood up and left. I little while I called you. But then he came home and he was drunk as shit, and I couldn't handle it. I locked the door and didn't come out, and he slept on the couch.

"When I woke up the next day he was sober. He made breakfast and bought me flowers and a teddy bear for Elie. She still has it. He said he was sorry. He was going to stop drinking. And he did, for a while. And I decided to stop making him mad, so we wouldn't have to fight. Which meant I didn't go out, I didn't talk to my friends, and I only hung out the people he hung out with. And thing were really really good, for a while.

"And then I started getting fat… So we stopped having sex. And then things changed again. He wouldn't come home sometimes, or he would just leave for a week and I knew he was cheating. And then one night he came home and he was drunk again. Didn't say a damn word to me, just slept on the couch. I felt so lonely that night…The next day he said he had some business to take care of with a friend. It was up near his Mom's house so he would be staying there for a couple weeks. It didn't make any sense, but I said okay.

"Then I called you and begged your ass to come see me. I lied to you, told you everything was good. I think I was saying it more for me then you. I guess I thought that once she was born things would go back to how they were. Once my body was back and shape so we could have sex again, and the baby was here… then he would have everything he wanted. And we could be happy again. I guess I was wrong. Anyway, up until you came to see me I'd been all by myself. But then when you got there it felt different. Like different from when I was with his friends of his family. I felt whole again… and it confused me really bad. And I kissed you… I don't know why I did it.

"He didn't come home until a couple days before Christmas. I remember talking to you some of those nights. I felt so sad and alone… talking to you made me feel better. Anyway, when he got back he was sober, and he was happy again. He'd told me we were going to visit his mom, and we did. And things were really good… until New Year's Eve. Him and his cousin started taking shots while me and his mom were out shopping. That's when I found your bracelet. When I came home he was fucked up… I asked him why he did it. And then he started yelling, told me I couldn't tell him what to do… and I just got mad. Really mad. I pushed him, and that's what started it. That was the first time he ever hit me.

"He apologized a lot, but I didn't care. He wasn't supposed to hit me, that's not how it works. But I blamed myself for it… I guess that's why I let it go so fast. Then he went to see his friends and I came to see you. And I didn't really feel bad about the whole thing until I saw that look on your face… because no one else cared. Everyone saw him hit me and they didn't say a damn thing. But you cared… and that hurt worst.

"Then the next day you kissed me. And I don't know why you did it, or why it felt so damn good, but God… It felt good. I felt loved again. Truly loved. You made me feel like a real person Quinn, not someone you could just fuck and leave and beat on… And as good as it felt it hurt too because I couldn't drag you down with me. I didn't want that for you.

"After that things got bad again. Tony would drink and he would smack me sometimes. I didn't even know what I was doing wrong or how I deserved it… but I just took it. And then there were the nights when he would leave and I would feel so lonely. But then when he came back I was still lonely. And I didn't understand it. I didn't know why I hurt so bad whether he was there or not there. Because before, I would only feel lonely when he wasn't around… but then I was lonely no matter what.

"I got put on bed rest after a while, and Tony went out of town so I had to stay at with his parents. I knew where he was the whole time… He was with this woman he met through one of his friends. He stayed drunk the whole time he was gone, I know because he only calls me when he's sober. He didn't call once…

"The funny thing is that I started calling you after that. And the lonely feeling went away… I didn't feel bad anymore. I felt happy for a while, and it was because of you. But then Tony came back and I couldn't talk to you anymore. And that feeling came back… and it made me afraid because I was having a baby with him but I couldn't stop thinking about you…

"The fights got worse. He didn't hit me a lot because I didn't fight back. I didn't want Elieana to get hurt, so I just let him scream at me and slap me and stuff… but I kept her safe. And then I got the phone call from that whore he was cheating on me with… and I blew up. He got mad and pushed me down the stairs.

"When I was in the hospital with you Quinn… I felt so torn. I knew what you were offering me, but I couldn't take it. I said all those things because I didn't want you to stay and not live your life because I made so many mistakes. And yeah, the money, the house, the car… that was a big part of it because without him I had nothing. But I wanted you to experience everything you could… And then he called me and told me it wouldn't happen again. And I believed him. I don't know why… but I knew without him, I had nothing. I have too much pride sometimes… because if I had been smart I would have just told him to go to hell. I should have pressed charges or something. But I didn't, because I was too proud to be left with nothing.

"When you walked out the door it hurt so bad… I felt my only chance slipping away from me. And then you said you loved me, and I knew I had to let you go. Because if you knew I loved you too you would never leave. Never get your chance at a real life. I'd screwed so much up and I didn't want to make you live with my consequences.

"I never called you again after that. But I sent the letters… that was the only way I could keep the ties between you and Elie, because I knew that unless I left him you would never see her again. And it started getting worse. He started hitting me every time he drank. And then when he didn't drink. And I would fight back at first, but I would always just end up on the floor, waiting for him to stop. He never did it in front of Elieana, and that's the only thing I can thank him for…

"It went on for a year. This last time was the worst though… it was more than just scrapes and bruises this time, it was broken bones. I blacked out, woke up next to her crib. The neighbors called the cops, and when they got there I was just singing to her. It was all I could do, I couldn't pick her up. A nurse took care of her while I was in the hospital. I'm still not supposed to hold her, but I don't really care. I love her with my whole heart Quinn… You and her… You two are all I have.

"Tony got arrested, but I'm sure he's out on bail. Me and Elie stayed at the motel for almost a month, until I drained all my savings. I knew I would end up calling you sometime… But I didn't want to. But I had no other option. He was going to find me eventually. Two days ago I ran out of money. We've slept in the car until I finally got up the courage to call you. I know I should have been working on getting a job or an apartment or something… There are so many things I should have been doing. But I didn't want to do those things alone. I feel so broken and stupid, and all those things Tony used to call me… they feel so true now.

"I didn't call you so you could pick me up and help me put my life back together, even though I know that's what you're planning to do. I called you because for the past year, all I've thought about is you. All I've wanted is to call you and tell you to come get me out of this… hell. And I don't want you to save the day Quinn… I just want you to hold me and help me find the courage to save myself."

**Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors. I promise to fix them soon.**


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter is relatively short and full of typo's that I swear to god I'll fix tomorrow. Sorry guys.**

When we finally got back to the house everyone was exhausted. Santana carried Elie from the car to the guest bedroom, where we put pillows all around her so she wouldn't fall off the bed.

"Should I buy a baby monitor or something?" I asked as we closed the door behind us.

"Nah. We'll know she's up when she starts hollering. She's slept there before. Where's your mom?"

"Bahamas." I said, crawling into my own bed. "She normally calls me every couple days so when she does I'll tell her what's going on. She won't be mad or anything, she's just going to be happy I'm home. And that Elie's here."

San scooted under the covers next to me, and I wrapped my arms around her. "Are you gonna tell her about… everything?"

I sighed. After Santana finished telling me what happened I didn't really say much. There was nothing to be said, really. So I agreed to help her and left it at that. "What do you want me to tell her?" I asked.

She thought about it for a second, rolling over to look me in the eyes. I couldn't cry anymore and neither could she. "I don't want me to think of me the way I think of myself. I don't want to be weak or stupid or… broken anymore. I made a lot of mistakes and I know it… but-"

"Stop." I interrupted. "Stop right there. You're not weak or stupid. I don't think any of those things about you, and neither will she. It takes a very strong person to make the decisions you made, even if they were the wrong ones. You left your family, you had a baby, and you stuck around in a relationship that was hurting you just to protect Elie. Now all of those were probably really bad decisions, but a weak person couldn't have done it. Okay? You're strong, and you're brilliant. You got yourself caught up with a guy who manipulated the hell out of you, but that doesn't make you stupid. And yeah, you are broken. But as you said in the car, you have me. And I will help you put the pieces back together. Whether that means me picking them up for you, or just standing by and making sure you don't fall apart again."

She nodded, wrapping her arms tighter around me. And I got that feeling again, the same one I had the last time we were in this bed in this same position. She leaned forward and her lips met mine, and it was soft and slow, not like the other times. There were no secrets now, nothing to hold us back anymore. This time it we were doing it right.

She pushed me down on my back and straddled my hips, her legs tangling with mine. The soft kiss got harder as her perfect little pink tongue demanded entry, and I obliged. My hands made their way to her hips, holding her close to me as she kissed her way down my neck, yanking my tank top down and nearly ripping the collar. I could feel my nipples hardening as she ran her fingertips over them, making me moan. I could feel her rubbing herself against my thigh, then shifting so I could do the same.

She was placing little kisses along my breast before wrapping those gorgeous pink lips around them and sucking, hard. Then, just I felt her hands slipping into my shorts, I caught myself. "Stop."

Santana looked at me like I was crazy, moving her hand a little lower. "Stop, San. Stop."

She sat up, still straddling my waist. "What?"

I sighed, yanking up my tank top and crossing my arms so she couldn't see me through my shirt. "This isn't a good idea." I said, making her roll her eyes.

"Okay why?" She asked, quickly moving into defensive mode. She rolled off of me and lay back down. "What changed? Last year, at the hospital, you said you loved me. Didn't you mean it?"

"I did mean it. I still do. I love you Santana." I said, putting my hand on her side to calm her down. She shoved it off and rolled onto her back, huffing and crossing her arms.

"Then what is it Q? Is it that Ashley chick?"

"No. That's over."

"Is it me? Is something wrong with me? Is it because of Elie? Or Tony?" The way she asked was so honest it broke my heart.

"No, not at all." I moved closer to her, putting my arms around her again. "None of those things matter to me. You are beautiful, and I love you so much. More than you can even imagine. But we both just got of relationships, really unhealthy ones. Ashley meant nothing to me, she was just someone to have sex with. I don't want that to be you."

"But I already know that Quinn." She sighed.

"I know you know that. But I think… we need to just take this really slow. I had sex with another girl less than 24 hours ago, I don't think it's the best idea to just do it again with someone else. I need you to realize you're so much more than that. I need you to know I'll love you just as much when were like, grocery shopping or laying on the couch watching TV as I will when you're fucking me senseless."

Santana laughed at that one, and finally scooted close enough to let me hold her properly. "Thank you Quinn." She whispered into my neck, sending chills up my spine. I closed my eyes, and just as I was finally slipping into sleep I heard her say "I love you too."

* * *

I awoke with a baby sitting on my tummy, bouncing and cooing loudly. "Hey Elie!" I said, rolling her off of me and tickling her tummy. She giggled and crawled away into Santana's arms. "She woke up a few minutes ago, I'm surprised you didn't hear her."

"Yeah, I guess I was really tired." Elie was squirming so Santana put her down on the floor. She started crawling all over the place, eventually finding her way over to the window seat, where she yanked the pillows off, and a couple of shirts that had been sitting there.

"No Elie." San scolded. "_Que no es tuyo, _pick it up." Elieana ignored her and crawled back to the bed, where she pulled herself up to stand and started reaching for me.

"Mama!" She called, her little fingers yanking at the comforter. I leaned over and pulled her into my lap, and she started playing with my charm bracelet.

"Does she call everybody Mama?" I asked.

"Nope." Santana shrugged. "Just me. She calls me Mama, Tony's mom and your mom are Bubbie, and everyone else is Tree. Well except for Tony, who she also called _perrito._ He used to get mad when I wouldn't correct her. I guess his yelling sounded like barking to her."

I laughed, and Elie started fidgeting again, pulling herself up on my shoulders and waddling a couple steps before falling on the pillows. She used the headboard to pull herself back up, balancing herself there as she bounced up and down.

"Somebody's getting hyper mommy." I told Santana.

"I see that." Elie flopped back down scooped a pillow off the bed, tossing it at her mommy. _"¡Dios mío hija!" _Santana caught the pillow just before it hit her face. Elieana clapped her hands and proceeded to laugh so hard she fell backwards on the bed. "We're going to the park. Now."

* * *

"The way I see it you have two big decisions you have to make." I told Santana. We were sitting on the grass with Elie in my lap, pushing a ball back and forth between her and San. Every few minutes she would get up and switch laps, and the game would continue.

"Okay what's the first one?" She asked, standing to go get the ball when Elie decided to throw it out of reach. "I should make you go get it _niña._" She narrowed her eyes at her daughter, who just laughed and bounced in my lap.

"She thinks you're hilarious." I mentioned.

"Yeah, I'm a joke to her. I can intimidate grown men, but my child laughs in my face." She made a face, which sent the baby into a fit of giggles, in turn making us laugh also.

"Okay. The first one is whether or not you want to stay with me."

"Done. Next one." She said, rolling the ball.

"No. Because I've asked you this before, and if we're gonna stick it out together that means you have to do things my way, seeing as doing things your way didn't work." I took a breath. "I'm not gonna let you get away again. That's why I'm giving you an out now, because if you choose me, you're stuck with me for a while."

Santana pushed herself up on her knees and crawled over to me, wrapping her arms Elie and myself and kissing me on the forehead. "Done." She said again, squeezing us together. Elieana started whining and squirmed out from between us, crawling away. Santana quickly too her spot, settling herself between my legs. I wrapped my arms around her, giving her a kiss on her neck.

"So your next choice is going to be a little harder than that. New York, or California?" I said grinning.

"What? Are you serious?" A smile spread across her face.

"Would I lie to you?" I asked.

"No, but I mean… how?"

"I have some ties in both areas. I know quite a few professors in Cali that are looking to retire, and willing to let me take over as soon as I get the credits I need, which would only take me a few weeks. But then again I already have a job in New York that pays good money. A job I'm so good at that I managed to talk them into letting me have my two week vacation now. I mean, yeah, it took some crying and begging, and by the way Great Aunt Mary is dead again, but whatever that's not the point."

"You killed your Great Aunt Mary for me?" she asked.

"Please." I scoffed. "I kill Great Aunt Mary every time I get cramps."

Santana laughed, leaning back into me. We watched Elie for a couple minutes, who would roll the ball a few feet, then crawl over to it and roll it again. Santana turned to look at me. "You don't have to do this, you know? You've gone from being in a relationship to being single to taking on a whole family in less than a day."

I smiled at her. "Do you know how long I've wanted this? How long I've wanted to hold you like this and tell you I love you? I settled for Ashley. I was only with her because I thought I lost you, and I was doing the best I could to move on. But I couldn't. And now I don't have to." I could see her eyes welling up, but I couldn't have that. So I kissed her really soft, before pulling back to watch Elie again.

After a while, without much real thought, my hands found their way under Santana's shirt, rubbing over her tummy and teasing just under the edge of her jean shorts. She whimpered quietly and turned to place kisses along the crook of my neck before whispering "You're such a tease. You're gonna get me all worked up then shut me down."

Just as I was about to say something, I saw Elie out of the corner of my eye, who had found herself a nice big puddle of mud to sit in. "No actually, your daughter is gonna shut us down." I said, jumping up and grabbing her right as she went to stick a good handful of it into her mouth.

"Oh my lord. Elie, no. Put the dirt down." Santana said, standing up. But before she could get there, or say anything else, Elie took the remaining mud she had scooped up in her palms, raised it up, and dropped it right on my head.

* * *

Santana apologized about 37 times on our way back to the car.

"It's fine, its fine." I kept saying. "I always wanted to know what I'd look like as a brunette." She laughed, pulling my keys from my pocket. "I should have a bunch of fast food napkins lying around on the floor."

"Actually…" she paused before using the button to pop the trunk. "Do you mind if I take a picture?"

"Really? Right now?" I said, gesturing between myself in the giggly girl in my arms. "We look like dirt goblins."

"It'll be cute, I swear." Santana started digging around in her bag. After a few moments she found a little pink camera. "Smile!"

I tickled Elies side so she would smile, and right as Santana was about to take the picture she moved her muddy hand to my face, making me gasp in surprise.

"Perfect." San said, throwing the camera back in the car and slamming the trunk closed. I rolled my eyes, wondering what the hell I'd gotten myself into.

**I know this isn't the most exciting chapter, and its full of mushy emotional stuff... but I felt that it was important to show the interaction between Quinn and Elie, as well Quinn and Santana. I really like this, so I hope you guys do too. Updates coming soon!**

**xx- Turtle.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Again, typos. Forgive me. Its two in the morning and I'm no where near sober. Enjoy.**

The next day we went to work fixing all the broken things. Santana and I went to the court house to talk to somebody about getting a restraining order against Antonio. It took us almost an hour to get to a lawyer, which meant an entire hour of Elie, waddling around squealing and banging on things.

"Jeez, Quinn what did you feed her this morning?" Santana asked

"I don't know. It was orange with brown chunks in it."

"Elieana Maria Remirez, get your butt back over here." Santana scolded. The child turned to her, making her eyes wide and pushing out her bottom lip. She let go of the curtain she was yanking on and plopped down on her bottom, turning to face the wall and pout.

"Aw, San look what you did." I started to get up to go get Elie, but held my arm, keeping me in place.

"She's faking, watch this. Elieana! _Venir aquí!_" The baby started crawling over to her mother very slowly, and just as Santana leaned over to pick her up she quickly turned away. She crawled as fast as her chubby legs would take her, giggling as her mommy took off after her.

Santana sighed when she finally got back to her seat, Elie sitting in her lap clapping her hands with a big grin on her face. A few minutes later the secretary called us into a big office.

The room smelled like mothballs and peppermint, and the guy sitting at the desk had three chins and a suit that looked like it had to be sewn on in the morning. "Sorry to keep you waiting folks, I've been on business calls all morning. I guess that's what happens when there are only seven lawyers in the county though." He stood up to shake our hands, and give Elie a little poke on the tummy. "I guess you're responsible for all that noise I heard in the lobby." He said, and she looked him up and down and yelled "TREE!"

"Okay Ladies, my name is Bill Fredricks and I'm in charge of the domestic violence, divorce, and other family related cases here. What can I do for you two?" He adjusted his tie as he spoke, presumably trying to loosen it enough to get oxygen into his lungs.

"Uh… I need a restraining order." Santana was fidgeting with her hair, like she always does when she's nervous.

"Okay, I need to know who against and the reason why." He began typing away on the computer.

"Antonio Remirez." She said quietly. Bill's face went pale when she said that, and he turned to her, looking like his eyes were going to fall out of his head.

"You're Santana Lopez?" He asked. She nodded, and I could see the blush creeping from her ears all the way to her neck. "We've been trying to find you! Antonio just got out on bail not too long ago, and his hearing is supposed to be next week. We needed to know whether or not you wanted to press charges. I'm so glad you came in today, because if you don't show up next week we'll have to throw out the whole trial."

"I don't think I want to-" She started, but before she could finish I interrupted her.

"Santana are you crazy? If you don't press charges he's not going to pay for what he's done."

"I know that Q, but I don't want to go through all that." She sighed, shifting Elie on her lap and pulling her closer.

Bill cleared his throat, making both of us turn to look at him. "With all due respect, Mam, I'm not going to be able to file a restraining order unless you have full custody of your child, which I assume you don't. You have to go to trial either way, whether it's a custody hearing or a lawsuit."

Santana sighed, getting that defeated look on her face that worried me. She didn't want to do either of those things, and if I didn't talk some sense into her immediately this would not turn out pretty. If it was up to her we would just skip town and hope he never found us, and I wasn't willing to take that risk.

* * *

After half an hour of begging (from me,) and reasoning (from Bill,) Santana still wouldn't budge. I could tell he was getting frustrated and I was pretty annoyed myself, and I knew it was going to take something drastic to get her to change her mind.

"I'll let you feel me up." I blurted out, right in front of the sweaty lawyer. Santana's eyes went wide, but I could see that impish glimmer in her chocolate colored orbs. Bill, on the other hand, was red in the face with embarrassment and confusion.

"Deal." Santana said, smiling.

"Excuse me, are you two soliciting sex in my office?" He asked.

"It's not what you think." I said quickly. "I'm gay, and she's confused… And we're kind of in love with each other so it's not like, prostitution or anything. It's more a like… a bribe."

"Oh, so you two are like… A couple?"

"Um…" I looked at Santana, who was sitting there snickering through this entire exchange. "I'll let Ms. Lopez answer that."

Santana looked at me, then the lawyer and shrugged. "I guess we are. She gives me butterflies and shit."

Bill looked incredibly uncomfortable at this point. "Okay then, let's get back to the matter at hand, shall we?"

* * *

My mother finally called on Saturday morning. I had decided to let Santana explain things to Mom herself, and before she even hung up my mother had booked a flight that would have her home early Sunday morning.

"Have you decided where you want us to move?" I asked after she hung up.

"I've been thinking about it, but I'm still not sure. I know I definitely need to get back in school and get a job and a car and… ugh." She started pacing back and forth. "Everything. My life is a damn mess, and I'm seriously wishing I'd just kept my damn legs closed-"

"Stop." I said, grabbing her and pulling her on the couch next to me. "Stop right there, because that's not true. If you'd kept your damn legs closed you wouldn't have me or that beautiful little girl over there." I pointed to where Elie sat in front of the TV, holding Montey.

"I know, I know…" she sighed. "There's just so much I have to do and I should be done with it by now and I'm not."

"I know what you mean… but let's start here." I grabbed my purse off the floor. "I was looking up some stuff that day I picked you up at the motel. I forgot to give this to you…" I handed her the crumpled up sheet of paper.

"What is this?" She asked, unfolding it.

"Okay, I know it looks confusing but it's a list. On the right are places hiring in New York near my job and on the left are places near the college in California. Most of them are offices, because you have experience with that. Now flip it over… These are all colleges online. I don't really know what you want your major to be, so these are just a few that I know have really good programs."

"These are all online classes?"

"Well, everyone except the last one." I shrugged,

"Angela's School for photography." She read, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah… I saw the pictures you sent me. I know you only took one of them, but I just got this feeling. I don't know… I can tell pictures are important to you." I could feel my cheeks turning red.

"They are… I mean I've thought about it before…" She trailed off, standing and walking to my room.

"Where are you going?" I yelled. I heard something rustling around, followed by a bang. "What was that?"

"I knocked some stuff over, it's cool." She came back holding a purple book. "This is her baby book. It's only a couple of the really good ones, the rest are on my computer."

I took it from her, flipping through the pages. The pictures weren't in any kind of order, just sort of everything thrown in. There was the one's Santana sent me, along with some of Elie's other first. When she took her first bath and her first step's. Then I came to one of me, that I'd never seen before. It was when we were in the hospital, of me kissing Elie's forhead as she lay fast asleep in my arms. Above the picture said "My Other Mommy."

"I don't remember this." I said quietly.

"You weren't paying attention. That was the last time you held her…" Her voice sounded weak. On the next page was the picture of us, covered in mud. Elie's got this mischievous look on her face and my jaw is wide open with shock as she spread mud all over my cheek. It said "My First Mud Bath"

The next page didn't say anything. It was a picture of Eliana, sitting on a man's lap. She had her whole body turned to him, looking at him with this worried look like she knew something we didn't. He had muscles and thick curly hair like hers. There's a soft smile on his face, but it doesn't reach his eyes. His pretty grey eyes that made him look like he could see right through you.

"She looks just like him." I commented. Santana nodded, laying her head on my shoulder.

"I know I should throw it away, but it's the only picture I have of him. I figure one day she's going to ask for it, and I want to have it for her."

I understood that. A child can get through life just fine without a father, but they deserve to know who that person is. "Do you still love him?" I asked suddenly.

She thought about it for a second before answering. "I don't think I ever did." Santana said honestly. "I was in love with the idea of him. He seemed like a good guy on paper… But then the shit hit the fan and splattered all over my face."

I laughed when she said that.

"And anyway…" she continued "I didn't feel this way with him. When he kissed me it was just a kiss. It gave me butterflies between my legs. But when you kiss me… It's like I feel complete. You make me feel like I'm on top of the world, and nothing could bring me down. I feel whole, like a piece of me has been missing and that piece was you. And then when you hold Elie… the way you talk to her, the way she smiles around you… she never did that around him. I've never seen her this happy before. And that first time she called you Mama… I didn't feel jealous or angry. It felt right. It felt like that's what you should be to her. Not her godmother, but just her mother."

I felt my eye's welling up when she said that. I grabbed her face and gave her a big kiss, then pulled her into a tight hug. "Thank you Santana. I love you so much."

"I love you too." She said smiling and pulling away. "So where's this photography school? And is it for a major?"

"No, actually. It takes about six months, and they're highly accredited. They give you a certificate in photography and then boom, you're officially a photographer. After that they have this really cool job placement program because they have it in tight with a bunch of agencies in New York."

"Welp," She said, folding the list back up and shoving it in her pocket "I guess we're going to New York."

* * *

Mom came in the next morning while we were sitting at the table eating breakfast. "Quinnie!" She called out, and I could hear her dropping her things on the floor.

"Bubbie!" Elie squealed, squirming her way out of Santana's lap and crawling away. Mom scooped her up in the doorway, holding her tight in her arms. "Hey baby!"

"Hey Mom," I stood to go give her a hug. "It's great to see you."

"Of course, I wish I'd known sooner I would have been home the day you got here." She looked behind me to where Santana was sitting. "Get over here." She said softly, with this knowing look. Santana stood up and rushed over, giving her a big hug. I could see my Mom had tears in her eyes, and she was holding them back. "I wish you'd told me hun. I knew something was wrong… You just haven't been yourself since he came around. I wish I knew."

"I'm so sorry Ms. Fabray-"

"What did I tell you about that!" Mom said, pulling back to slap Santana on the arm. "You're Quinn best friend and practically her only friend and your child thinks I'm her grandmother, so you can either call me Judy or Mom."

"Where's your boyfriend?" I asked, suddenly realizing he hadn't come in.

"Fiancé." Mom corrected. "And I'm not sure, he was in the car…" She looked around like she'd lost a puppy, even stooping down to peek under the table. Santana gave me a bizarre look and I just shrugged.

"Bubbie!" Elie squealed again, making us laugh. "Bubbie Bubbie Bubbie!"

"So what are your plans?" Mom asked, sitting down and taking Elie's bowl to feed her.

"Well right now we're just kind of waiting around for the court date next week. Santana is really nervous and I don't blame her." I said, slipping her hand into mine under the table. "After that the plan is to head back to New York. There's a two bedroom open in my apartment so I want to get that before someone else does."

"Are two bedrooms going to be enough room?" Mom asked. "I mean, Elie needs her own space and you two aren't kids anymore. Sharing a room gets pretty miserable after a while."

Santana looked at me, eyebrow raised and I swear I could feel my heart beating through my chest. Mom had no idea I was gay, and I never really had to tell her. But now it felt like it was suddenly way more important than it had been before.

"Uh, I mean…" I stammered "We're not going to be living there forever, maybe a year or so until San finished up school."

Mom nodded, not paying any attention to the way my voice was shaking or how my face was blushing. Santana narrowed her eyes at me, snatching her hand out of mine and crossing her arms. "Hey, Judy?" She said, "Me and Quinn we just about to get ready to go shopping. Elie is down to only a couple of diapers and I need baby food and stuff. Do you want to come with us?"

She sighed. "No, I don't think so girls I'm exhausted and I need to find this rotten fiancé of mine. But I can watch the baby while you two go, that's no problem."

"That would be awesome." Santana said, standing up and grabbing my arm. "Thanks so much."

"No problem." Mom said as Santana practically dragged me up the stairs.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch." I groaned, trying to yank my arm out of her grasp. Once in my room she threw the door closed and gave me that look that reminded me that the old Santana was still in there, and she was still as fierce as she used to be.

"What is this bullshit Quinn?" She half whispered, plucking my shoulder.

"I don't know!" I whined, rubbing my bruising arm. "She doesn't know, and I'm not ready to tell her."

"You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that?" She started pacing back and forth. "You feed m all this bullshit about how she'll love me for who I am, even though I've been beat on, raped, and now I'm homeless, but you think that for whatever insane reason she's going to disown you because you're a lesbian?"

"Shhh, keep it down!" I said, grabbing her and turning her body to face me. "Look, you have your battles and I have mine. This is one of them."

"Okay Quinn, so you can force me to deal with all my problems, but we're just going to pretend this one doesn't exist." She pushed my arms away. "That's real fucking fair."

I opened my mouth to say something else, but she threw her hand up to stop me. "I don't want to hear it. Get dressed so we can be back before Elie wakes up from her nap."

* * *

Santana spent the rest of the day giving me the cold shoulder. Along with the nerves from the trial coming up in just three days, the tension in the house was slowly driving me insane, so I decided to go for a drive. I didn't really have anywhere to go, so I somehow ended up at Babies R'Us, looking through the little Tutu's. "Quinn?" I heard someone say behind me.

I turned around to see Mercedes standing there, holding a little boy in her arms. "Hey!" I said, walking over to give her a hug. "Who's this guy?" I pinched his cheek and he narrowed his eyes at me. This child was clearly nothing like Elie.

"This is Javon. I'm in town for my cousin's wedding and I got roped in to babysitting duty." She rolled his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

I swear my head almost exploded trying to think of a way to explain the dozens of reasons why I'm here. "Uh, well I guess the main reason is to see Santana." I said, choosing to neither lie nor tell the truth.

"Oh yeah, I heard she had a baby." Mercedes commented, shifting the kid she was holding to he sat on her hip.

"Yeah, my Goddaughter. She's the cutest little thing, her name is Elieana. Want to see a picture?" Mercedes nodded, and I started flipping through my photo's on my phone for the picture I took of her yesterday. It was a cute one of her holding Montey, her hair all wild and wearing a little onesie.

"Oh man, she is too cute!" She said. "Look at those fat little cheeks. Hey, I know you're probably busy and stuff, but do you wanna grab a bite to eat before I got to head back with this little guy?"

"No. I man, sure we can. No, I'm not busy at all actually, I'm just killing time. Santana and I are sort of fighting…"

Mercedes raise an eyebrow at me, asking a question without actually saying it. I shook my head. "It's a long story."

"Tell me over dinner." She said simply.

Mercedes and I fell out of touch after high school, along with the rest of Lima, but we were still friends. We'd always had this sort of bond, ever since the teen pregnancy thing, so when it came to telling her the truth about Santana it just sort of slipped off my tongue.

"Okay so wait, you're gay?" She asked in between bite of her burger.

"Yes. Very."

"And you and Santana are…?"

"Together. As of 3 days ago." I sighed.

"But you've been madly in love with each other for like, two years now."

"Yes."

"And she has a baby daddy. What happened to him?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Um… I don't really feel like I have the right to tell you that. But he did some bad stuff." I said, picking the pickles off my sandwich.

"Like how bad?"

"Like criminal bad."

"Oh Lordy white girl, you got more drama going on now then you did in high school! How the hell did you get yourself caught up in all this?" I shrugged, wondering the same thing myself. "Damn Quinn, okay so why are you guys fighting? Shouldn't you be in like, three day old relationship bliss?"

I could feel my face turning red, and I cursed my pasty white skin the second Mercedes started giggling at its change in color. "She's mad because I won't tell my mother about us."

"Ouch. Wow. Well uh… why now?"

"Mostly because I don't want to be disowned." I mumbled.

Mercedes nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. "Well um… I have a question."

"Go for it."

"Remember when you got pregnant?" She asked.

"Not really, I was drunk and I kinda forced the memory out of my head seeing as I hate the male genitalia."

"No… not what I was saying. You remember how you said your mom knew? She just pretended she didn't?"

"Yeah. She does that all the time." I shrugged again. "She pretends she doesn't know things so she doesn't have to deal with them. But I could tell, just from the sad look she got in her eyes that she knew."

"Okay well how do you know she doesn't already know this too?" Mercedes asked. Before I could respond Javon started fussing, and Mercedes stood up, pulling him out of the high chair. "I gotta get him back, he's ready for a nap. But it was good to see you Quinn. Don't wait another four years to get in touch with me."

I nodded, standing up to hug her. "I won't. I might start calling you every time I have a problem. You always know how to make things better."

"Girl, you know I love you but I don't love you enough to handle your drama-filled lifestyle. You better keep those phone calls to once a week." She winked at me before turning on her heels, strutting as she went like the diva Mercedes is, was, and always will be.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry guys, I don't ever do this but I got this review today and it's too stupid for me to possibly fathom.**

Question 1/6/13 . chapter 10

Quinn's moms new bf is totally Santana's abusive ex isn't he ?

**Now I don't normally reply to reviews for three reasons. 1) If I'm going to say something to you it's going to take a while for me to say it because I take time and think about what I'm going to say to some one before I say it. 2) I don't have a lot of free time, and most of it is dedicated to writing stories for you guys, and other stuff too. I don't have a lot of lounging around time. 3) I'm a mega bitch, and a lot of thing's I say are extremely offensive and hurt feelings, and I refuse to allow myself to become another faceless internet troll.**

**With these things being said, now I can answer this question.**

**Seriously, if you are going to comment on my story, read it first. In the very first fucking chapter Santana met Quinn's mothers boyfriend. She's spent multiple occasions at the Fabray residence for over a year now. Don't you think if Judy was dating Antonio, everyone would know by now? Even though Quinn never knew what Antonio looked like until chapter 10, don't you think she would have figured it out by now?**

**I don't mean to be rude, but seriously people, if you can't read don't review my shit. I take my time to go through and read each and every one of you comments, and I appreciate them all. But when you decide to say some stupid shit like this to me, expect me to respond in whatever way I see fit. I'm a mean bitch, and now you know.**

**New chapter up sometime this week.**

**Love ya fuckheads, xx-turtle**


	12. Chapter 12

**not mine. nothing is.**

When I got home I found Santana and Mom sitting on the couch flipping through magazines and watching the Home Shopping Network. "Oh dear god." I groaned, going to sit on the leg of the sofa next to Santana. "Please don't tell me you're becoming my mother."

A roll of her eyes was the only acknowledgement my comment got from Santana. "Uh, where's Elie?"

"In bed." My mother said simply. She looked up at me and Santana and just stared at us for a moment before saying "You know, I'm just so happy to have both my girls home. I don't know how the heck I'm supposed to let you leave on Thursday, I might ball my eyes out for a couple weeks like I did when Quinn went to college her first year."

I laughed, and Santana smirked but continued to say nothing. "Anyway," my mother continued "I know you two haven't had a lot of time to just go out. You know, just you two. I was thinking maybe tomorrow night you guys could do that. I can watch Elie and you two can hang out and have a girls night. You know, go to breadstix, pick up a bottle of champagne, whatever you kids want to do. Really, I insist. You're not going to find as good a babysitter as Bubbie when you're in New York."

I looked at my mother, who was just smiling at us with that look in her eyes. I knew that look so well. It was the one she had on her face when I would steal cookies off the counter when I was little, or get caught trying on her make up. It's the same look she gave me that told me she knew that the weight I was putting on sophomore year was more than lack of exercise and extra carbs in my lunches.

"You know, don't you?" I asked, making both her and my girlfriends stare up at me like I'd grown an extra head.

"Know what sweetie?" She said, forging cluelessness.

"About this." I took Sans hand, lacing my fingers through hers. "About us."

My mother sighed, looking at me and rolling her eyes that way she did when she thought her daughter was _just too much_ sometimes.

"Of course I know sweetie."

"Wait." Santana said, her face flushing. "How could you tell?"

"Girls. I'm old, but I was young once too. The way you two look at each other, the way you're so attached at the hip... I knew when you came over that day two summer's ago. You two just have this chemistry." She shrugged.

"Mom, we didn't even know back then." I said, wrinkling my eyebrow in confusion.

"Quinnie, I knew you were gay from the time you rejoined celibacy club after you had Beth. And I know you didn't know back then. You're the only girl I know that has sex and then recommits to celibacy. I mean, the thought in and of itself is quite frightening. And when you never came to me to talk about it or like… start wearing flannel shirts I was worried you'd never figure it out."

Santana laughed maniacally at my mother, making me snatch my hand away from her.

"I'm really happy for you two." My mother said earnestly. "If I can marry a man less than half my age, who am I to stop you from falling in love with a woman? And if it had to be any woman, I'm glad it's this one right here." She pointed to San. "There are two kinds of people in this world girls. Dreamers and Realist. Santana is a dreamer. She's wild and takes chances and see's things in the world in a way you would never be able to see on your own Quinnie. And you're a realist. You see what's right in front of you, you always know what to do and say, and you know how to keep things under control. And you two… you're good for each other. You need each other. Because without a dreamer in your life Quinn, you'd be so content to keep your feet on the ground. You would never take chances on your own, never spread your wings and try to fly. And Santana, without a realist like Quinn you'd just fly so far and so high you'd never find your way back home. I love both of you so much."

"We love you too Mom." I said, standing up and hugging her, followed shortly by Santana hugging both of us.

"Thanks for your blessing." Santana said behind me. "It feels nice to have a Mom again."

* * *

It was the night before the trial, and Santana lay next to me tossing and turning. There was no way she was going to sleep, which meant I wasn't going to get any sleep either. "Babe." I whispered, rolling over to grab her by the waist. I turned her over so she was facing me and looked her in those pretty brown eyes. "You need to quit moving so much, it makes the bed creak and my Mom's gonna think we're in here fucking."

She giggled, kissing me on the cheek. "I wish we were." She whispered against my skin.

"Easy tiger." I said, moving my face out of kissing distance.

"I don't understand." She sighed. "We're out, were proud, our date last night was phenomenal and you still won't do the deed."

"I want it to be special." I said quietly. "I don't want to do it just to do it. I want it to matter."

"But it will matter. It will matter because it's happening with you, the girl I love more then anyone in the world. Besides Elie of course."

"Of course." I smiled

"Besides… I'm really nervous about tomorrow and I swear to god sleeping in this bed with you gets me more hot and bothered then I'm willing to say… It would be perfect." She whined.

"No it wouldn't." I huffed "It won't be perfect because you're going to be thinking about tomorrow and Tony and all the other things."

"So when will it?" She said, sticking her bottom lip out in a pout.

"When our relationship is older than 6 days." I said pointedly. "When we don't have to be super quiet because your daughter and my mother are asleep down the hall. And most importantly, I don't want it to be about stress relief or being horny or having to prove something. I want it to be about you and me, taking the next step in our relationship, and waking up the next day feeling more in love then we already are."

"Ugh!" She grumbled, turning her back to me. "Why do you have to be so damn sweet and emotional all the time?"

"Because I love you." I said simply, wrapping my arm around her. She sighed, settling into me. Despite what she was saying I could feel the goose bumps rising up her side, and I ran my hands over them to rub them away.

"How do you do that?" She asked quietly, turning to look me in the eye.

"Do what?"

"This." She put her hand over mine. "You make me feel these things. Like, all I need to do is look at you… or feel your skin against mine and I feel like I'm home. Like I'm safe and warm and happy. Like I can do anything."

"That's because you can." I said, kissing her gently. She smiled when I pulled back, and as I ran my fingers over her back she slowly settled into sleep.

The sun had barely began to peak out from behind the trees when we were awoken to a strangled sounding scream rather than the usual cheery chatter from Elie. Santana bolted out of my room without a second thought, and I followed closely behind her.

There was nothing wrong with Elieana that we could see, yet her little face was red and tear stained as she pounded her little fist on her Mommy's shoulder. "_Lo que ha sucedido niña?"_ Santana checked her all over but there was nothing. She felt her head. "Is she warm to you?"

I put my hand on her little forehead but she wasn't the least bit hot. I shook my head. San's eyes were wild with worry and confusion. "She's never like this. _Cálmate bebé, mamá está aquí."_

No matter what Santana did or said Elie wouldn't stop. She screamed for three hours straight, and refused to go to me or my mother. Eventually she calmed to just a whimpering kind of crying, then just sat in her mother's arms and tears streaming down her face, not eating or drinking anything. "Should I take her to the hospital?" San asked my mother.

"I don't think she's sick." Mom said honestly. "I think she's scared."

"Scared of what?" We asked at the same time.

"The same thing you two are. She doesn't know the trial is today, she's far too young to understand that. But she can feel the same things you feel hun. When her Mommy is sad and afraid she is too. She'll be okay when this is all over."

Elie stopped suddenly, and we turned just in time to see her eye's fall shut. About a minute later she was sighing softly, fast asleep in Santana's arms. "That was bizarre." She said quietly. I nodded in agreement, and Santana laid Elie on the couch next to her, placing a pillow on both sides.

"You girls have to get ready to go." My mother said, glancing at her phone. "You have to be there in an hour."

"I can't do it." Santana cried. "I was nervous enough before but now this? I can't leave her. She's my baby. I need should have agreed to this, why'd you make me agree to this?" She asked, slapping my arm. "Touching your boobs was so not worth this."

"Hey, take that back!" I whined, my face turning red with embarrassment. My mother cleared her throat and we both looked up at her, Santana blushing too now.

"I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that." My mother was blushing herself. "You need to go Santana. I know it's hard but you have to. Keep your phone on and if anything happens I'll call you immediately. I promise."

Santana sighed, still looking uncertainly at Elie's sleeping form.

"She'll be okay. I promise." Mom said. "I raised two beautiful children. One turned out perfect and you fell love with the other so I must have done something right."

"MOM!" I yelled, quickly being shushed by both of them. Elie stirred but didn't wake. "I hate both of you." I grumbled.

"Well we love you." Santana said, standing up. "Though I'm not sure why." My mother laughed, and I crossed my arms, sticking my bottom lip out in a pout. San looked at me, giggling when she saw my face before leaning down and kissing me softly on the lips. I immediately felt my heart start racing in fear of my mother's reaction, but when she pulled back I saw her smiling at us. It was a soft smile, and it made me feel this bubble of happy form in my chest, excited for her open mindedness. "Come on babe, let's go before I change my mind."

* * *

The second Santana saw Tony's face, she fell apart. She started sobbing so hard I was worried we wouldn't be able to do the trial. All I could do was hold her, whispering things in her ear to make her calm down.

She barely calmed enough to peel her body off of my and stand for questioning. After she swore to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, the questions flew. Questions I already knew the answers to. I tried to tone it out and just watch her face for any sign that she was about to internally combust. It hurt too much to have to hear it twice.

After she was done she walked over to me, grabbed my hand, and pulled me out of the courthouse. "I can't do it anymore. I did my job. I'm done."

A few minutes later we found ourselves parked outside Breadstix, but Santana made no move to get out the car. I turned to her, opening my mouth to say something, but before I could get it out she had me pinned to my seat, her lips pressed hard against mine. I could feel her fingernails digging into my shoulder, her legs straddling my waist. I gasped into her mouth, trying and failing to get air into my lungs.

The second I managed to tear my mouth away from hers there were lips on my neck. She kissed her way up to that place just under my ear that she'd found the other day, teasing me, sucking lightly on it. I gasped, biting my lip hard as she slipped her hands under my shirt and her fingers traced the underwire of my bra. I couldn't help the moan that came when she nipped at my ear, before sucking on it and making my hips buck under her.

Santana played my body like an instrument. She knew how to tease me and make me gasp and moan, whimper and sigh. And she knew the second she unclasped my bra and started playing with my nipples it was all over. I laced my fingers through her hair, bringing her mouth back to mine. I bit her bottom lip, making her gasp and allowing me access to slip my tongue inside. I could feel the stickiness coating my thighs as she sucked on it, hard.

Without much thought my hands found their way to the waistband of her jeans, barely taking the time to unbutton them before slipping inside and cupping her through lacy panties. She moaned, grinding her hips into me before pulling her mouth away from mine. "Wait Quinn… Ohhh…" She whined when my thumb found her hardening clit, grazing in lightly. She pushed her hips back, making my hand slip out and giving me a disapproving look, which must be hard to do while you're playing with some ones nipples.

"What?" I groaned, trying to keep my own hips from moving as she pulled on my pebbling nipples.

"I thought we were waiting." She cocked her head to the side.

"But you're so fucking sexy baby." I said, trying to keep my voice from wavering. I grabbed her shoulders and yanked her down so I could kiss her again, which she went along with until she felt my hand moving up her thigh again.

"Nope." She said, rolling over and hopping out the car. I groaned, slamming my fist on the steering wheel while watching her walk into the restaurant, buttoning her pants back up on the way. I threw the door open and screamed "I FUCKING HATE YOU!"

She didn't even turn around. Just gave me the bird and kept walking.

Halfway through the meal Santana's phone started buzzing. She looked at the number then threw it at me to answer. I was Bill.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Ms. Lopez?" Bill sounded incredibly out of breath, but that was his normal state of being.

"Yes, this is she." I lied.

"Hey! You guys ran out of the courtroom so fast you didn't get to hear the results."

"Yeah, I just couldn't stand being there anymore, you understand."

Santana was staring at me intently, her wrinkled and arms crossed.

"Of course I understand. Well I won't take up too much of your time, I just want you to know that we won. Antonio is set to serve a minimum of 15 years in jail, at which point he will be released if he signs a contract stating he will never be within 10 miles of you and your daughter."

"Okay thanks." I hung up before he could say anything else.

Santana was staring down at her plate. "Is it taken care of?" she said, her voice low.

"Yes."

"Okay good."

It didn't make me feel happy or sad. It just felt like this was finally over, and we could move on with our lives.

**Thank you for everyone support throughout this story. You guys really make me smile. And to the person that called me a cunt and said I was probably going to die soon, you're actually right. I probably will. And your pen name is hilarious, I wish I'd thought of it.**


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